Weight: 136.2
Goal: 130 125 120...?
I am happy that I turned down the muffin at Starbucks. Thank god I'm starting to not be pushed into eating when I know I should not. I was so pleased I didn't ingest that. It felt good. I am not eating that. The rules aren't different for me. Just because I look fat doesn't mean I am going to eat the muffin while my friend drinks a black coffee and smuggles in a special k bar. I don't want to be a fatass either. She probably doesn't mean it as an insult but yet it feels like one. "Oh I'm only having this but you eat everything you want". I get offended too easily. I am having bad feelings lately. Like everyone hates me and thinks I'm an idiot who they don't want to be around. I don't know if I'm projecting my feelings or if it is real. I wish I didn't care so much what people think of me and that I wasn't so needy. Why do I need constant reinsurance that I'm not a horrible person. I'm hungry as fuck. I tried to do behavior changes. Whenever I got hungry, I ate fruits and vegetables and diet yogurt. Not very feeling. I wanted to eat a cookie or a sweet so bad today. People who stay on diets without breaking deserve more credit deserve more credit than they get. Its so hard to not give in to that impulse. Hunger is good. It probably means I'm losing weight. Just don't break. |
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