 its been awhile pt. 1
well, its been awhile since i've updated anything, but i've been pretty busy lately.
i am happy to say that i finally got a new and better job. i went from gap to jcpenny and i couldn't be happier with it. the whole thing happened so quickly too. when i went in to resubmit my app, one of the managers started talking to me and told me that i was in luck, i need a new job and he needed to hire some one. so i resubmitted the app and about an hour and a half later they called me for an interview...that day! i went in and did the whole interview thing and got the job that day! this job, even though i haven't been there long, is so much better than my last one. i am on my own almost everyday and they have already been training me to do more things. i have a feeling i am going to with this company for quite some time.
i also moved, yet again. where i was living before wasn't working at all for me and the family i was living with so i moved back to my hometown with my other aunt and her "boyfriend" and that was also a great choice. they treat me like i'm actually an adult when everyone else is still treating me like i'm a 12-year-old who knows nothing.
i'm still with the same guy i've been with and it will be a year next month. i can't wait either because we are going to chicago for our anniversary. i've never been there and i'm so excited to go! we are going to have such a good time.
i think that is all that is new-new in my life. other than that i have also done what i was trying to avoid....i've been thinking about a lot. i know it doesn't sound horrible but when you're me it can get a little out of hand. i should probably put them down in words before i'm driven crazy so here it goes (sorry if i start making no sense, but this all has to come out).
1) one of the biggest things right now is that even though i'm just getting settled where i live now, i may be moving yet again. the guy my aunt and i are living with, her "boyfriend", is just a complete ass. he had a good job and then opened his mouth and lost it. my aunt and i are trying to figure out how we are going to survive. he thinks that everything is okay and that nothing is wrong, he won't look for a job, and he sits on the computer all day and night. he even set up his desktop computer in the living room because my aunt and i like to use the laptop and i guess we were cutting in to his play time. so all that being said, i may be moving again. its farther than i would like because here i'm close to my family and my boyfriend. if we move, i don't feel right asking him to use his gas to come see me because he drives far for work every day and its a good 20 minute drive to where we may be moving. plus i'm really sick of moving. in the past 2 years i've lived this is where i've been:
-started in southgate with my mom until she kicked me out
-moved to dearborn heights with my aunt
-then to taylor with my friend
-then to southgate in a motel
-off to detroit with a friend
-back to dearborn heights with my aunt
-now i'm back in southgate with my aunt
-now we may be moving to lincoln park
yeah...it's a little crazy.
2) my boyfriend and i have talked about marriage. we've talked about kids and all of that. we are finally starting to save money, when we should have been saving months ago, but i guess its good we started now. but there have been a few things in the last couple months that bothered me, that we've talked about, but i don't think he fully understands where i'm coming from.
-first, and let me stress this, i told myself i would NEVER change myself for anyone. however, i have decided to become a catholic for my boyfriend. i'm lutheran but that religion just doesn't have the same feeling that it used to. i've started going to mass with him and it just feels right. so it isn't just for him, it is for both of us. here is where the problem comes in; i don't know what i have to do to become a catholic. he knows what i want to do and he wants me to do it to, but he was putting off finding out what i have to do. finally i got fed up with it and told him that he needs to find out asap. he told me he would find out when he could, he didn't know who he should ask. that didn't sit well with me, so i put on my pissy face and he realized that i was really upset about it. when he asked me why this was bothering me so much i told him; first, i was doing this for both of us, not just me. and second, if this is the only way we could get married then i wanted to do it as soon as possible. he finally decided that it was okay if i didn't as long as if we had kids they would be raised catholic. i told him again that i WANT to become catholic, it wasn't just for him. i also said that this didn't seem as important to him as it did me. well the next day, he found out what i had to do. the only thing that still bothers me that it took him so long to find out. it almost did seem like it wasn't that important to him but i'm starting to believe that it may be.
-about a week and a half ago, there was a festival for a church around here and we went. he went the next day with one of his friends and because i knew he was up there i felt safe going up there to watch this band i wanted to see. so i decided to walk up there and say hi to him and go watch the band. i was about 3/4 of the way there and started having a panic attack. i figured if i went and found him that he could help calm me down and everything would be okay. once i got there it just got worse, so i started texting him and telling him what was going on. he was in the gambling tent and told me to come in there, not understanding when i was telling him that walking through the crowd would just make it worse. so i decided to just try and find a ride home and be done with it. so i walked into the tent, reluctently, and told him i was going to try and find a ride home. after awhile i ended up walking home, still texting him and telling him that i felt like i was going to pass out and keeping him up to date. he told me he could drive me home but because i know he doesn't see his friends much because of all of their work schedules i said no, even though i needed one. i was still texting him and he ended up coming over after he left his friend to check on me. *a side note: i got pissy when he would leave me to go hang out with his friends, and i had no idea why.* a few days later we were hanging out and his friend called so he left me to hang out with him and of course i got mad. after thinking about it for awhile when he was gone i asked him to come back over....i finally figured out why it bothered me. so he got here and we sat outside and i told him that the reason it bothers me when he does that is because no matter what we're doing, if his friends need him he is there. but when i really need him and he knows that i really need him, he won't leave his friends unless i ask him to. his reason, "i know you'll be there no matter what. but my friends might not be. they have quit talking to me for months and i know that you'll always be there. plus i hate hearing them bitch." really? so we got into a fight about it, resolved it, and finally i told him that i'm no longer deciding when i see him. it's all on him now because i'm sick of his friends bitching because we're hanging out, in the middle of watching a movie, and he won't leave to hang out with them.
the big thing here is, i refuse to come between him and his friends. i know that he doesn't get to see them a lot because of his work and theirs so i try not to get mad. and i haven't for awhile, which is good. i know that everyone's work schedules don't always mesh right, but i just wish that they would tell him in advance when they have a day off. i think its a guy thing (as bad as that sounds) but my friends and i at least try to make plans in advance, i just wish they would do the same.
plus, he wants me to get to know them more and spend more time with them, but anytime he is with them they bitch if he brings up asking me to come along. which is understandable since i guess its usually "guy time" but he never stands up to them when it comes to me. he needs to grow a back bone when it comes to them.
::okay i need to eat some lunch so i will continue this in another entry::
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