broken heart again;

09/27/2009

another lesson learned.

why is it,
that i am a huge support to my friends.
i am there, whenever they need me.
i'm not trying to toot my own horn,
but seriously. i think i am a reliable friend.
i take on way too many burdens,
and when i need a friend,
they are no where.
no one wants to hear about my troubles.
let alone cares about them.

sometimes i wonder if she's faking it.
i know that's a horrible thing.
people dont/shouldnt fake depression,
but. heaven forbid i have anything knock me down,
her life is apparently, always worse than mine.
when i would pay money to switch.
to have her problems, as opposed to mine.
that are growing in numbers.

no one is going to want me now.
i have severely fucked up,
everything.
one in four women,
yet i feel so alone. so fucking, alone.
no one seems to understand.

i went out with a patient from work,
i knew i shouldnt have,
it was a huge mistake.
nothing happened, really, we just made out.
but he was such an asshole,
like do you really need to yell at "hot chicks"
when we're on our first "date"?
seriously.
i went to the bathroom, came back and waited for him.
i sat and watched him hit on girls and buy them beer,
for ten minutes.
so i went to the bathroom again, and took my sweet time.
i honestly,
dont know that there is anyone out there anymore.
especially not for me.

as if i'm hanging out with ryan,
would i mind if his girlfriend comes over.
after he finishes telling me how he hates her.

i just.
my brain, is tired.
my soul, is tired.
i dont know how much longer
i can keep up with this shit.

i am so tired of being discouraged.

i need to be rescued.
but, by who?