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you can't unthink a thought;
by amanda dawn

previous entry: i've seen more guts,

next entry: we live in a jar;

i made this bed,

10/23/2009

& i can't fall asleep in it.

someone asked me what i would say.
if he called me.

i dont think i could say anything.

that i fucking hate him
for ruining my life more than he can imagine.
that everything changed,
in a matter of seconds.
and now i want my innocence back.

from every guy i have ever
touched.
kissed.
fucked.

i want it back.

because now i am ruined.

now no one will ever fucking want me.

& i had no idea it was coming.


i hate myself so much today it is honestly unreal.

& as much as i should.
as much as i wish i could.
blame him.


i can't.

my insides are reaching a boiling point.

i haven't felt like this,
ever.


everyone's fucking trivial problems.

i wish i could pass this on.

fucking let someone else deal with this.

so they know.

i would give anything,
to trade lives.

but i could never do that to anyone.


FML.
seriously.

i have to stop crying sometime.

previous entry: i've seen more guts,

next entry: we live in a jar;

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i am lost.

what?

love love. you need change.

[lady jodiStar|0 likes] [|reply]

You'll be okay. You are strong, Amanda. And you can get past this. You're not ruined. Someone out there wants you, and you'll find them. Don't worry about it. Worry about you and have fun now while you still can .

[kel-syStar|0 likes] [|reply]

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