i've seen more spine in jellyfish;

08/10/2012

i've seen more guts in eleven year old kids.

osheaga, osheaga.
always a good time.
i think i danced more this weekend,
than i have at any other shows.
i'm not sure if my friends have disowned me yet,
but even if they did.
it was, awesome.
three years in a row i've been
& i think this was the best one yet.
austa, young galaxy, feist, brand new, metric, m83, THE SHINS!
i swear.
it was pouring during the shins & it was, perfect.
when they sang new slang, it just melted my heart.
so amazing.
such a good weekend.

got into a couple tiffs with david.
i felt like i didn't really see him all weekend.
his friends came, my sister & her boyfriend came
& somehow i sort of wound up on my own alot.
which, i love montreal, so it was okay.
but kind of annoying when you & your boyfriend are drunk
& he doesnt want to dance with you,
so you end up dancing with one of his friends instead.
i dont know.
but it was still a good weekend.
we only managed to lose someone once,
she had a montreal adventure & found her way back eventually.
so it wasn't too terrible.

now its back to reality.
these past six months have been insane.
france, england, new york, baltimore & montreal.
no wonder i am so poor.
looking forward to hiding out for the fall.
it's my favourite season,
well, so is winter (when it actually snows!).

things are strange.
lately i'm realizing it seems as though i am always in competition with my best friend.
which, makes no sense to me, and i don't know why we do it.
if i say i have a bad day, she has a worse day.
it's hard to explain the dynamic, but.
it just makes me feel on edge,
like if i dont have something good to say,
it's not going to be worth her while.
maybe i'm not making sense.
& i know i should talk to her about it,
but i just fear that if i do, it's just going to become clear,
that maybe we have out grown each other.
we're not the same people we were five years ago,
and maybe the people we are now don't jive.
we still have fun, we still have laughs,
but its just this constant feeling of living up to certain expectations,
to even get the time of day, that just puts me off.
maybe it's me. maybe she doesn't mean to put out that vibe.
i know she's going through hard times,
but, so are other people.
and i feel like sometimes she doesn't acknowledge that.

in other news,
baby wesley is still fighting his battle with cancer.
he's done his first two rounds of chemo,
has a little break and should be starting radiation soon.
i'm so proud of the little man.
he's so tough.
trying to be there for his mom & dad as best i can.
they sometimes seem to shut off,
which i guess i can understand completely.
i'm currently not feeling the greatest,
so i can't be around them right now.
which really sucks, but i don't want to compromise wesman.
his mri came back clear, which is awesome.
they're just awaiting the results of his bone marrow.
hoping that one full round of treatment will be enough to get him in the clear.
he's the cutest. and the best baby.

tonight is art crawl.
woot woot.
though, it's supposed to pour, all weekend.
i hope it holds off, because this is my favourite friday of the month.
just always reassures me why i love this city so much.

david is taking me on a surprise date tomorrow night.
he won't tell me where,
just that i have to be ready at 6.30
he said i don't have to dress up,
but could if i felt like it.
where is he taking me?!?!
i can't stand the anticipation. :)
he never really does things like this,
so i'm excited. :)
maybe i can weasel it out of him tonight.

anyways,
i'm at work.
should probably... work.


xoxox.