I don't know y but even tho I'm so happy wen I'm with him as soon as not around I'm back to suicidal thoughts, even before I met him I was suicidal,but he helps me get threw it, but when he is locked up or not around to talk to, I'm deep in my mind making plans of my own death.....even when I'm in the car with my gardian while she driving down the high way or across a bridge the thought "what if I grab and turn the wheel for us to fly into that simi or that pole or off this tall bridge, would the force or fall be hard enough to kill us or is the water below deep enough for us to drown in?" would cross my mind at least twice a drive....or at night I think " hmm do I have enough time to bleed out or OD on sum thing or is this rope sting enough to hold my weight?"...my doctor said I have bipolar depression when I was in 7th grade, but my family refuses to let me get a prescription for the pills because according to them I have nothing to be depressed about....so ig ill try to make it pass my senior year at least and c if it gets better but if not, no one shuld b surprised when they get the phone call of my death, so I have another 2 and a half drooling yrs to c if it'll get any better...I hope it will....hope and love for him is the only thing that keeps me going.... |
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