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HESITATION
by Amitola

previous entry: A NEW PLACE

next entry: THINGS TO DO

NO TITLE

07/22/2024

I want to keep a diary, but sometimes I just don't know how to title it. It seems that it is difficult to summerize what happened in the whole day with one approriate word.

Last weekend, we didn't make any video calls. Yeah, it last two days. I don't know whether it was normal for two people fallen into love. The point is that I don't want to quarrel with him. I don't want to quarrel for little things frequently. Maybe it is true for every relationship to go cold from infatuation period(热恋期). Why not just let it be? Long-distance relationship is not easy. People can't see each other quickly even if they miss each other. In most of the time, they keep in touch by sending messages on wechat or making video calls. People in the past time may write letters to express one's missing, but it becomes different nowadays. It is not easy to maintain a healthy relationship. I don't want to require too much and I shoudn't either. One thing he said is that we didn't make a video call because we have chatted in English on wechat. The reason sounds weird, huh? I said nothing for this. I even didn't stop him from playing computor games or investing in stocks. I'm just his GF or a girl classmate. I am not the mom. It's not my business to get too involved. I shouldn't tell anything to him either. That's why sometimes I choose to withdraw what I have sent. There should also leave some space for intimate couples. By the way, we have talked about visiting each other's family, but it wasn't made clear. From time to time, I think perhaps it is too early to take this step. After all, we won't get married too fast. It is not mentioned lately. I'm trying to learn how to deal with intimacy. I don't want to have xx with him somehow. Maybe it is controlled by hormone. Maybe I'll try to prevent it happen next time. Actually, the other day I've mentioned that I worried about the period's delay due to xx. Obviously, he doesn't care cuz he didn't ask about it. Maybe it is because the gender is different. It's hard for men to truly enpathize women.

I have booked a ticket on Friday to go home. I'll tell my family these days. Even when I go home, I must continue my dissertation. The weekly meeting has been stopped, but study must be persisted.

I ordered fried chicken as my dinner tonight, one is sweet and spicy, the other is honey mustard(蜂蜜芥末). But it tastes not very good. I also drink a cup of hot bubble tea from Mixuebingcheng. To be honest, I even want to eat two dinners, including sweet cakes and fried things. I guess I was hormonally controlled. The meals will get people gain weight easily. LOL.

Because of my menstruation, I have had two days off and did nothing. I think the menstruation for this month is a little heavy. I'm not sure whether it has something to do with my shower yesterday. Today I even lied in bed all day. These two days I didn't have a good rest either. I slept late and woke up early. The situation will improve.

Never lose your sense. Keep that in mind!

previous entry: A NEW PLACE

next entry: THINGS TO DO

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