There are times in my life that one must come to realize we are not on a path, at least everyone I know, but more like we float on a wind altered by the smallest whim or largest catastrophe. Most often, there is this feeling that I lack control over my daily existence, but live more often at the will of others. Why should I feel all alone. I'm not. Actually, I can think of many times in my life where I was so burdened by those demands from my life, it was eat, sleep and do other's biddings.
I may have been able to capture a few moments for myself lately. Not truly alone, but at least shared intentions with the same wished-for direction, it feels like a cool breeze.
But within this enchanting eddy in time, feeling idyllic and with some history that includes the tallest peaks, knowing there are equally deep valleys... I am not easily lulled to climb so high or fall so hard and deep... or so I say.
When an old addiction comes, what happens to this head, which cannot believe this same desire could not turn on me, venomous, where once pure sweet honey. Am I that fool for this scamper, chasing this faerie through the forest, lost in space and time. When left behind, wait patiently without hope, now lost beyond the trail which is hidden in tangles never to be retraced.
There is this one strong reactant, the catalyst, which I know this is too seldom seen; the reaction when two elements, otherwise immutable, each of themselves, unblendable, separate and dissimilar, become dynamically changed, unrecognizable without this chemistry which I cannot explain. They meld, soften and alter to a new thing. A new element, which is alluring to me, strangely deep and quick to form.
So, will this new breathing thing die in the sunlight? Or mature or morph into...who knows? As it stands, the catalyst is working, I feel it's strong effect..
and as the wind that blew me here, I seem to have little desire to control it.
Loading...