...and all I can think of is, 'Oh God, I've made a mistake'. I've been not allowing myself to think, especially over my job, my love life or my future. I've just been doing everything on autopilot, and now... Now I think I've screwed everything up.
I think I'm having a panic attack. I'm crying and trying to fight myself from screaming because I'll wake everyone up. All I can think of is that I wish S was here, that I could grab him and have him comfort him me because of my completely messed up life at the moment. Losing my job, breaking up with my boyfriend and losing my home in the process has made me...
I just want him here and it's probably just because I'm feeling so low. I can't pull him back in, because it was me who broke up with him and he's trying to figure out how to live as a single man again. I can't just grab him and use him because I'm feeling like this at the moment.
Because that is what it would be. Me using him because my life has finally crashed on me and everything I have been trying to not think over, is finally being allowed in. I managed for over a week to not think, and now at this time of night, I can't stop.
I just want my world to stop spinning, even if it is just for a moment.
Kya |
Loading...