...with flowers in my hair.
In '77 and '69,
Revolution was in the air.
I was born too late.
To a world that doesn't care.
Oh, I wish I was punk rocker with flowers in my hair.
I absolutely love that song, probably because of the general good feeling to it, and the fact that it reminds me of the few good things I experienced when I was school. When the entire group would gather together at the tables and pound their fists against it and the feet against the ground as we sang/screamed various songs at the top of our voices. It didn't matter if we were in tune, or if we all knew the words. All that did was that we were having a good time.
It's been a long time since I've been able to do that. I really wish I could return to that, just that bit of my teenage years, and do it all over again. I probably could do it anyway, my friends here would do it just for the Hell of it, no questions asked, but...it just doesn't feel the same.
Excuses. Excuses. I know.
I have quite a few of those now-a-days. Not really about my sleeping any more, as for the past couple of days I've gotten some kind of routine going. Not a very good one, as in the basis of how I achieve it, but it's there. It's pretty much me drinking lots and lots of Coke, and then falling asleep at around one in the morning. But then at least I don't wake up until about nine or ten in the morning the next day, so I'm not oversleeping. But it means copious amounts of caffeine and that can't be good for my system.
But I did it the other way. When I didn't drink lots of caffeine and that was how I started with my entire sleeping pattern becoming screwed up. I'd fall asleep on my feet at about six, go to bed, and then wake up at two in the morning. And I'm not one of them that can remain in bed when I wake up so early (later on in the morning, yes. Or after ten when I just daydream in bed) so I have to get up, and then I am falling asleep all over again at four. So, I have to go to bed and take a small nap, but then my body decides that it won't let me up after about a four-hour period. And so I don't wake up until around ten, and then I'm wide awake and I can't get back to sleep... And so on, and so on. It's really annoying.
But I did good today. I was up at half-ten, after going to bed at one in the morning. With only about one hour for me to fall asleep, that still gives me about nine hours. Yes, the only reason I was actually awake was because of my cat. She started yowling at ten because she needed to go out. It's one of the problems with not having my sis in the house, as she always gets up early and then the cat can go to her, and annoy her to be let out. I seriously wish that there was a way from my bedroom window for the cat to go outside, but the small wall that breaks up our garden from our neighbour's is too small (only about four inches) and despite her usual bravado, even she realises that she probably won't make it.
It is a part about a cat that really scares the Hell out of me. When we were back in Cairo, in one of the apartments we were on the eighth floor, and had a small balcony. There was a tiny railing around it, it went up to around my waist when I was fourteen (I haven't grown much since then so it probably would still be up to my waist) and it only had a two inch railing. And my cat would take a flying leap from our balcony up there so that she could gaze out into the world and I always worried that she would overshoot and fall. Luckily, she never did, but it still scared me that there was a good chance that she would.
She doesn't have the exact kind of 'viewpoint' here. We only have a two-storey house, so it's not as though she can see much. The back of our garden's wall and the trees the rail company planted to give us privacy from the actual train station blocks all view from that side, and so it's only really two gardens she can see into. But she's rediscovered the joy of it, after trotting out onto my window ledge a few weeks before when I was re-painting my room. She just hunkers down, gazes out into the world and pretty much declares, 'I reign over all that I see'.
Typical cat. Not happy enough having a slave and a house. She needs a kingdom.
She's just having a bit of a problem gaining access to her kingdom at the moment, though. When the entire house was re-fitted (that is what I've been doing since being unemployed. Helping my parents make the entire house habitable again so that they can rent it), parents decided that they would get a new kitchen door. We would get horrible drafts from it, as it the original one didn't fit, exactly, and it was breaking way along the edges in certain places. But this new kitchen door wouldn't have a cat flap sawed into it, so the cat no longer can get in and out of the house with ease. When ever she wants to go out, she has to yowl for either myself or my sis to let her out. And when she wants to come in, she has to yowl for our attention again.
She never wants to come in when we think she should.
And of course, her availability of the entire house is receding as well. She doesn't like my sis' boyfriend and he doesn't like her. He pretty much ignores her, when he isn't yelling at her (he's a dog person) and she refuses to be in any room that he is in. So, she no longer goes into the living room, the spare room, the television room or the kitchen, because there's a chance that he will either be in there or go in there. And she hates feeling as though she's been cornered by him. So, she pretty much remains with me. If I'm in the living room, then she will chance it but she mostly remains on my bed. Asleep.
That's pretty much all she does now. She's much older now, it's probably to be expected. She has been checked out by the vet at least once a year to make sure that she really is physically fine, and last night I got it into my head that she might be deaf because of the past couple of months of how she was acting around me. She wouldn't move, not a single muscle, when ever I entered the room she was in, if she was 'asleep'. Before, I'd get some kind of reaction. She'd stretch, give a little meow and give me a look for disturbing her but lately...nothing. So I scared her by trying to make sound in the direction of where she wasn't looking. But she reacted every time.
I guess I'm just really worried about her getting old.
And she's lonely as well. Ever since we lost her sister about three years ago (the two have been raised together), she's become more demanding. She doesn't have her sis to be with anymore, and so she seems to want more attention from us. And that means that she is more vocal.
My sis' boyfriend hates it. It's one of the many things he hates about her, and another 'wedge' between him and me. We don't like each other anyway, but we're finding more reasons to dispise each other, then actual common ground. The fact that my sis has gone visiting out of the country means that we can be a bit more 'obvious' about it, and on principle, we ignore each other. I remain in my room, on the computer and writing, and he remains in the bedroom he shares with my sis, studying. It's a pretty good arrangement.
And hopefully we will not have to keep it up for much longer. The three of us are all looking for options of moving out, despite the fact that rent is still too high here. One problem is that even though there is a recession, the amount of money property owners are looking for to rent a simple studio or one bedroom apartment is ridicilous. Sis and her boyfriend have a bit of a better chance, as they are both employed and making money. Bit harder for me without my job, but I'm doing anything I can to see what my options are.
And the three of us moving out means that my parents can finally get some kind of proper income out of this house. All three of us pay rent (my rent is being staggered so I don't have to pay for the months I stay there until I can), but my parents can get a much better rate if they rent out the entire house as a whole to a group of people. It's something they badly need, even though dad finally has a new job. He's over in Laos, as I mentioned before, for a two month stint and he's hopefully be the group that wins the bid for another project in Jordan. That will give him two years more work.
That's it. Pretty much all that is happening to me. I might have more to write about, and hopefully it will not be one full of further complaints about my computer. I've been trying to hold back against making an entry doing so, as there is really nothing that can be done. It's dying, and everything is failing. There is no point in me trying to get it fixed, as something else will just crash within a few more months. I need a new one, and unfortunately that's going to be delayed for quite a bit as all the money that I had saved a year ago when it was first giving me such trouble, has gone into living expenses because I lost my job.
Just have to deal with it.
Kya |
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