This is probably one of the worst times for me to actually write a diary entry, not because of the hour. Ok, maybe the hour does have something to do with it. It's just past midnight and I have the Internet open and I'm browsing through trying to find a new job for myself. Maybe that's why I am down. Maybe it's because I've been sick for the past week, with cramps because my Time of the Month just had to choose this oppertunisitic time to go after me, and that my yearly case of the blues (January to April is always the worst time of the year for me, no matter what hapens) has crept in as always.
I should be all right, but all I can think of is that I want to quit my job. That I can't take another month, another week, another day of having to work at a place that had me being screamed at and told off by at least one of my managers three times and... It's probably my mood. It's probably because it's that time of the year and that's why I just can't see myself...doing anything.
I so badly want to get out of my job. I've been trying to do constructive searching since the last week of November and have found nothing. Nothing that will suit my qualifications, because I didn't go to college. I don't have any experience required for anything, even for just being a secretary because they insist that you have at least two years experience before they will even consider you. And I have none of that, as I've been stuck in retail for the past...sheesh, five years now.
Five years that I've wasted. Because there aren't any retail jobs out there. I go through the streets at least once a week trying to look for those little notes that say that they are looking for someone, and none of them are. There's nothing.
And I can't afford to go to college. I don't have the money, and my parents certainly don't have the means to support me. So even if I did want to return, swore I never would, I can't.
I just can't do this any more.
Kya |
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