So, currently trying to figure out exactly how I can kill my brain (it’s lost all of its chances by this point). I’ve gone back to the old destructive process of trying to mess up all of my chances. Knew that this was completely possible, and that I would do it to myself again, but had been hoping that there would at least be a little break between doing so.
Guess not.
Not only have I failed to take responsibility for exactly how much I’ve messed up my chances with not pissing of my mum (and dad for giving my mum this much hassle) by pushing back and pushing back the time when I will actually pull the last of my stuff from the house, but also by not giving it a good enough cleaning. Yes, I know that the company that is going to try and rent the place it’s satisfactory, but it won’t be for my mum. I know that when she sees it in a couple of weeks for when she has to come over from France in order to give the house some last minute maintainance, my mum is going to have a fit and we’re going to get into yet another argument. And it’s going to be all my fault, because I should do this now but… Any time I have a day off, I’m spending more time in my own apartment, trying to get that ready.
There’s so much that needs to be done in my new apartment, such as I need to buy a washing up bowl as the stupid sink stopper is refusing to remain inside the plug hole whenever I put water in. So, even after I’ve gone and boiled the water I need in the kettle (there is currently no pressure coming from my hot water tap), all of the water just drains away. More money that I need to spend, as I still need to get a decent saucepan (the current one has scraped off all of its skin just by me cooking with it), pay the movers for the last of my things, a credit card bill that just seems to be going up as I had to pay for my television licence and I will be paying for my home phone/internet/television in two weeks…
It just seems so much.
And I had yet another argument with my sister because of the problems I am having with my mobile phone. Since my new apartment is in the basement, I keep not getting calls/messages and everyone seems to believe that I’m faking it. That I just can’t be bothered replying back or something when it’s not the truth. And I’m tired of having to try and protest otherwise. I can understand why my sister is so short of temper, she’s working Monday through Friday in Oxfam, and then at the weekend she is starting college in order to get her masters, but I wish she wouldn’t let it out on me. I’m trying, but I’m working hard and my days off are never at reasonable times. They can be any time during the week, because I work in retail. It’s not my fault that it’s hard for us to meet up with our kind of schedules.
Anyway, been staying away from the television for the most part. Yes, I went to all the trouble in getting it installed, and saving up the money for it, and I barely watch it at all. At most, it might be two hours a day because I’ve been on the Internet for the most part. Just catching up on a few things since I’ve got my Internet back and also watching Play Throughs of the various Silent Hills. Yes, I’m on the of the weird stalkers who just watch people play video games on youtube. But as I’d never play them myself (I have no patience for those kinds of games. All of mine are completely different), even though I have a lot of curiosity about the various ones, I find it easier just to watch other people put up their walkthroughs. So, Silent Hill and a brilliant American McGee’s Alice (completely twisted version on PC from 2000) and will be continuing on to Amnesia.
So, cat curled up and it’s four in the morning. Should be asleep as I have work in a few hours, but after completely oversleeping and spending most of the rest of the day trying to get my Bullguard to work (several times before I got a support staff to figure out what was wrong with it. It was of course the stupid little buttons that needed to be changed from disabled to start in the systems. Never would have figured it out, so thank goodness for the support. Everything up and working now, as I had a horrible scare that a virus had attacked my computer. With everything scanning a few moments later, there were three found and now they are gone and deleted.
So, next entry will probably be the entire episode of an incident that occurred over the phone between me and a woman, who also was in contact with quite a few of us and managed to not only get herself confused, but all of us as well.
Goodnight or good morning
Kya
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