I used to write in this every day, nearly without fail my diary would have something new in it, or just some random thought that was more a question than anything else of something I was puzzling over. And there were quite a few instances of writing more than one entry in my diary as my day progressed and I scribbled down everything and anything that was on my mind.
I used to do all of that, but I've fallen on the wayside over the last couple of months. Having too much time to think when I was unemployed and down in the dumps, though at the time I thought I was doing pretty good, mood wise. I have since been informed that this was not the case and when I do reflect over what I did, what I thought and how I just allowed myself to push myself deeper and deeper into that rut, they were right. I was in a bad funk, and it has taken until the last couple of weeks for me to figure it out for myself. And I'm grateful that everyone did give me that time in order to do so as I needed to do it. I needed to make the realisation as otherwise...otherwise I would undoubtedly still be in there.
Not much has changed since I've gotten back my job. It means I have less money worries, and that I could move, but...I still have problems that need to be dealt with. The shop isn't doing as well as it should, and so everyone is getting worried over our jobs. We've had meetings after meetings with each other (the managers with the rest of us) of how we can improve sales and so forth, because Head Office is just not getting their act together and are letting us all down all over again. But we're trying to be positive.
I'm trying to be positive. And so even with all this weight on my shoulders, I'm trying to figure out ways to resolve what is bothering me. What is worrying me. I'm trying to break it all down so that at least it's more manageable.
And one way, was to let it all out to my sis, who apparently told me that no one in the family even knew I was going through all of this. They thought everything was fine and dandy since I got back my job and moved to my own apartment for the first time. I wish it was so, but it's not. And they needed to know that I need them for a bit of support because I have got to stop trying to take care of everything. I have got to actually seek out help when I need it instead of trying to be the big hero, not want to -bother- anyone else with my problems and actually tell someone.
So, this is a start to all of that. Just as I'm writing every day to my dad since he is completely bored at his job at the moment (he's got three weeks left and he's already handed in the final proposal and there is nothing else for him to do. he can't leave the country until he's fulfilled him length of stay with the company so he's just wandering around Laos most of the time, and only staying in the office for five hours, with the company having his mobile in case they actually need him for something), I'm going to write in this as well.
And so, there's going to be ramblings. And strange questions. And generally just complete nonsense. I'm going to try as hard as I can to use this site for what it is really for: getting things out. And I can't promise that I'll be faithful to this, that every day there will be a new entry, especially in November as I'm doing NaNo (Dear Gods help me) again but I will try.
And isn't that all that can be promised? That you will try?
(No quoting Star Wars at me over this)
Kya |
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