last grip

10/10/2009

last grip

i'm holding on to my last grip of sanity.
i'm bouta go off the fucking deep end.
her finace has ran her outta her own house.
he has his own house.
he needs to go there.
my ma won't even come home bc he is here.
if she's not here then there is no purpose for him to be here.
i asked him what he did and why she aint comin home,
he said he didn't do anything and he don't know.
i said it's obviously something or she wouldn't be running away from her own home.
then i walked out.
he came in my sister's room tryna kiss my ass,
sayin he would take me somewhere if i needed him to.
then when i was bouta leave (for maury's concert)
he said i think i need to marry your mom sometime soon.
i didn't respond.
he said would you want me to marry her?
i said i don't mind as long as you don't continue to fuck her over.
then i had my grandpa take me up to LN.
where i was all alone for the whole first half.
during intermission i found my buddy aaron who i haven't seen in forever
and he was alone too so i had someone to sit with.
today is just bullshit.
the only reason i stayed at my mom's is bc i wanted to spend time with her
and she's not even here.
this isn't my mom.
my mom would've told that motherfucker to get the fuck outta her house
and don't bother coming back.
especially if she's not even here.
fuck relationships.
i just want to be alone.
i don't need any of the bullshit.
ya know, i used to be so proud of my mom for one specific thing.
her independence.
her strength.
though all her decisions weren't always wise
she never let someone else control her.
and now that is what she's doing.
i'm leaving.
i don't know where i'm going.
since maury just fucking left me at the concert.
fuck all the bullshitters.
i'm done.

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