9/13/09

09/13/2009

So pretty much my weekend went well. I was going to put this poem that I had written in my class while trying to dissect Ulysses, but I would have to get up off my ass and walk to my bag in order to get the notebook, open to the page, sit back down and type. That's no excuse, but well, nevermind, I'll put it in here. It may actually help put some order to this entry.

*walks to bag, gets notebook, opens to page, sits down*

Okay, so to explain, I was sitting in class on Friday (sept 11), listening to the lecture and free writing in my notebook. It was more of an excuse to stay awake as I was super tired, but I was writing nonetheless. I finished my little written rant and realized that the first words in each line made a cool little poem of sorts. Without further delay...

You know it's going to be a long day when you
have 3 classes and at the beginning of
the first, you start to fall asleep.
Caffeine makes you ill, but it is the only way
to actually awaken to sieze the day.
Grant me 5 minutes to collect my bearings...
sleep is nearly more unattainable than all the
riches known and unknown to man.
And lacking both serves to be a problem unless you hold the
wisdom to get to bed earlier.
Irony at its worst ---> Irony at its best
Serves a question...
You know better, it was late and you know
well enough to go to bed when the time is right, so why didn't you?

You have the caffeine to grant sleep, riches and wisdom. Irony serves you well.

I was pretty proud of that little lack of thought poem thing. But then my mind wandered a bit more and I kept writing...albeit in a different class. I was a bit upset at the thought that no one would remember my birthday. So I free wrote again...

Constant fears roll through me when I question my role in the world. A typical depressed theory of worth and whether it would be better without me. I laid in bed tossing and turning last night, with thoughts of silly ideas and even more irrational questions. And the most frivolous idea/question came to me: How many people will actually remember my birthday? And of the ones who know (i.e. can read my facebook alert stating the fact), how many will actually acknowledge it? I put myself in such situations and ultimately torture myself over such worthless thoughts. But how many people bring these thoughts to light, not to torture oneself, but to pick apart where and why it is that they continue to play such a big role in their life? Comparatively speaking, my worries can mirror the thoughts of the lost souls of those who have had a religious fall-out. Why am I here? What purpose do I serve? Who would care if I weren't here? What would the world be like without me? What would the world have been like had I never been born? NO, I am not suicidal, I just think on the lines of mortality and rhetoric. Provided my birthday being a strong piece in this puzzle, is it possible that I've hit my midlife crisis? And if that's true, does that mean I'll only live a short life?

So I had that on my mind most of the day until I got home and found out about my birthday present from my parents. I got 4 tickets to the Cleveland Indians game on my birthday. I was told that I could use the other 3 tickets to bring whoever I wanted. I was pretty stoked until I realized how few friends I actually have. Then I realized, thinking back, I have always been this way. I have never actually had a lot of friends, but rather, a lot of acquaintances. Regardless, I ended up going to the game with my brother, his best friend and a school/work friend of mine. I had an absolute blast. Earlier in the day, my family and I went to meet up with my grandfather at the chinese restaurant we go to every Saturday. My mother and my sister somehow finnagled a way to ask the hostess to play Happy Birthday (Chinese version - HYSTERICAL AS ALL GET OUT). So our regular waiter sang happy birthday to me in broken English and placed a beautifully decorated plate in front of me. It had a tomato rose, cucumber leaves, an orange crab looking thing...all of which were intricately cut out.



And to top it all off...a trick candle. Which I recognized right off the bat. It was fun nonetheless. Played around with it for about 3-5 minutes and ate the orange frosted cake. Yum yum.

Today I got to sleep in, went out with the family to celebrate a little more and relax. I looked online at my facebook....I received several birthday wishes. All in all a great day, great weekend. And the start to a great 23rd year of my life!