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The beginning of the rest of my life
by Kristin with an i

previous entry: NoJoMo 2010 v. 10,11,12,13

next entry: Don't kick me when I'm down...

Forgive me.

12/16/2010

Forgive me for my tears. I couldn't tell you what is causing them. I'm not sure at all. Questioning them will only cause more. Forgive me for my desire to see you. I spent long enough of my life without you or anyone like you. I enjoy your company. Please don't take it to heart when I'm a bitch. Forgive me for my pain. Again, I couldn't tell you what is causing it. I just know when I'm doing nothing, I feel more alone than one in solitary confinement. Forgive me for pushing away. As much as I beg to have company, I don't want to be questioned. I don't feel like random blather will accomplish anything. Forgive me for wanting a way out. Sure, I have more than many others, but in a grand comparison, I have far less than you think. I just can't stand the stress that comes with nothingness. Forgive me for faking that smile, that laugh, that overall sense of joy. It's all fake so I don't have to explain myself. If I could do it, I wouldn't be in such the conundrum. Ironically, the definition of conundrum is the definition of these feelings.

Definition of CONUNDRUM

1
: a riddle whose answer is or involves a pun
2
a : a question or problem having only a conjectural answerb : an intricate and difficult problem
See conundrum defined for English-language learners »
Examples of CONUNDRUM


… giving parents a wealth of educational options sometimes presents a familiar inner-city conundrum: What if all your choices are bad ones? —Katherine Boo, New Yorker, 9 Apr. 2001



Forgive me for my existence. Right now, it may be worthwhile, but I honestly don't see how this melancholy life I'm living bears any merit to the advancement of the future of the world. Melancholy, another attribute to my issue.

Definition of MELANCHOLY

1
a : an abnormal state attributed to an excess of black bile and characterized by irascibility or depressionb : black bilec : melancholia
2
a : depression of spirits : dejectionb : a pensive mood
See melancholy defined for English-language learners »
Examples of MELANCHOLY


Forgive me for this entry. I just need an outlet. My usual outlet just can't help. He is part of the reason for these feelings. Forgive me for placing blame on anyone. I just can't bear to say it's all my fault. Call me immature, but I need something to carry these feelings - these emotions - because I can't carry them any longer. Forgive me for existing. I don't find the purpose any longer right now. No, I would never carry any of this out, but I can think about it, right?

Forgive me. I never meant to drag you into this.

previous entry: NoJoMo 2010 v. 10,11,12,13

next entry: Don't kick me when I'm down...

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I'm sorry sis and you were right like always you could see what I couldn't see past the emotions

[Fenway_faithfulStar|0 likes] [|reply]

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