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Often Found Lurking In Soup
by Lunar Sea

previous entry: Dragon RP

next entry: So Clueless

She is halfway down now, but the man is impatient

04/14/2009

Listening to the Dresden Dolls again for the first time in a while. I love how music can move you, can take you back to a place or a time or a mood.

I left WoW to go to bed and instead started playing with the eggs obsessively. Sometimes I'm scared of going to sleep. I don't like not being up, not thinking, not feeling alive. I know that when I take my pill and go to sleep I'll not want to get up again. I know I'll sleep in late and when I do wake I'll feel like going nowhere. I know that just getting out of my bed will be a huge obstacle to overcome. I don't want to go back there, so I don't want to sleep.

Tomorrow is my appointment with the doctors about my underactive thyroid gland. They should put me on nice medication. I'm also going to ask about the possibility of getting stronger pain medication to counter the cystitis. I may also for those little bottles to put urine samples in so next time it flares up I can take some in for them to test. If it *is* caused by an infection it'll be a lot easier to treat, but last time the doctor told me the test came back clear, and that it was likely an inflammation caused by stress.

I do not like this theory. It means there's little I can do but guzzle water and take ibuprofen.

I get so bad with the ibuprofen too. Two just won't cut it. Four sometimes does, but normally it's six or eight. It's not unusual for me to take sixteen in a day when I get a bad flare up.

It's been a while since the last self harm. Less than a week, but noticeable days. It's not done yet, though. I haven't given up my sharp things yet (and indeed I have more this time around). It's almost like a waiting game, knowing that there will come a point when that force that exists in the back of my head will rear its head, and I'll lose control again.

It's like being watched by a crocodile. You're trapped. There's no high ground to climb to and while it might be sitting in the water at the moment, in a minute it's going to move and you can't stop it, can't hide or escape. It devours you in its own time. It is completely in control. It doesn't matter if you manage to move out of the way of one snap - it's inevitable. It has you. Nothing is yours.

It's so sad. Some of my eggs haven't had any clicks at all.

previous entry: Dragon RP

next entry: So Clueless

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YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN CLICK YOUR OWN EGGZ, YO? THEN YOU CAN MAKE SURE THEY ALL HAVE AT LEAST ONE CLICK! I CLICKED ONE OF YOUR EGGIES AND YOU HADN'T EVEN CLICKED IT YOURSELF! I WAS THE FIRST CLICKER!
***
CLICK MY EGGZ AND BABY DRAGONZ, YO!
Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!

[ LADY PUCKStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Cant imagine what its like to feel what you do. Must be hard and haunting in a way.
Hey tell you what.
If you had any super powers what would they be?
Ill trade you the answer for clicks on your eggs

[dayz_of_fateStar|0 likes] [|reply]

ryn: Yeah, I've been stretching. Seems to help a bit.

Though you did just remind me, I have hot/cold gel pack. I'm not sure why I didn't think of it until now, especially considering I was laid up with it all day yesterday!!!

[Fearylynn|0 likes] [|reply]

That sounds cool!
Ive always wanted to do a little comic on this. When I was watching that show Heroes, I realised that most of it was recycled stories from things like Xmen and Spiderman. Then it just got really boring. None of the characters ever used their powers properly. So I started a comic of my own, Im pretty much making it up as I go along and Im no writer, I just like to draw.

I've written up a little plot because I wanted to take it away from science and evolution.
The characters are based on Bloop members and Im adding new ones now, would it be ok if I slap you on? Any names?

I have a healer in my comic. The character is a doctor by proffession (keeps he healing ability secret). I thought about that idea of the 'guilt' you describe. This character understands that she cant save everyone, also the consequenses shed have to deal with if anyone find out. Also her healing ability has limits. She can only do so much in a day, it drains her. Though if I added another healer, perhaps one can teach the other about trying deal with the guilt of not baing able to save everyone to raise that idea.

[dayz_of_fateStar|0 likes] [|reply]


I like that idea. I think it could definately be something to add in the future when things get a bit messy. Lentil, I like that for a name.
Haha its all cool, hope to get some ideas or helpful criticism. Id like to get this done and re-do it really good one day and put it up on an online comic site.
Hey I clicked all your eggs!

[dayz_of_fateStar|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: Dragon RP

next entry: So Clueless

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