I still can't shake the awful feelings I had yesterday. It feels wierder though than what I had first perceived. Sometimes I feel invisable. I know I was at someone else's wedding and it wasn't about me. But I didn't want ALL the attention, I just wanted some of my old friends that were there to talk to me. A little. My 3yr old daugher got slapped in the face twice by a little girl and said "Mommy, I'm lonely..." as she was crying. I had felt that way my whole life and I just felt so bad for her. I always had a hard time making new friends. I could never understand why. I wouldn't mind talking to complete strangers and I'm a freindly person. I may not be beautiful, but I'm not hidious or anything so it's not that. I brush my teeth. As I was watching the kids try to play, she just kept getting kicked out of the group. I don't know why. She isn't ugly by any means. She is actually one of the prettiest kids Ive ever seen. I'm not saying that because she is mine. Her dad is HOT. She looks like him, mostly. She wasn't mean until that girl slapped her, and she kept trying to do what they were doing but they wouldn't let her. I have felt that lonelyness. I felt it by the "friends" attending this wedding.
There was this guy there we will call Bo. He owes me an apology because he is a shitty friend after being good friends for years. Bo had previously pissed me off by saying he would help me fix my car in an exchange for a bow he wanted me to make. Yes, a bow. He wanted a 6ft bow to tie around a tree. However, he made promises he could not keep. My car is still having issues, 2 months later. He was the only person who talked to me at the wedding, and it was mostly to crack jokes at my expense. Meanwhile, his bitch girlfriend had her nose in the air. I Just couldn't believe the way people were treating me. I had made a cake topper for them as a gift. It broke a little on the way there. By the end of the wedding, they were more broken. I was told it was a yellow and green wedding, but it ended up purple at the last minute. so it didnt even match the wedding. I felt so stupid. I mentioned my distess over it to another "friend" named MM and he went right to the groom's mom (who had made the cake herself) and said "Why did you make the cake purple? It was supposed to be YELLOW.." And she turned right to me and screamed in my face about it. Thanks MM. Asshole. Then I guess the bride and groom thought I looked distressed and each one pulled me aside to ask me if I was ok, but I felt that they were wasting time worrying about me and I said that I was fine. I felt like I was ruining the wedding. But I was too invisable to have that kind of impact. Everyone had a great time.
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