With Christmas steadily approaching, I am beginning to feel a shift. A shift in my heart. In my conscience. I don't know what to do about it. I have spent my entire life researching religion. The idea of what might wait for us in the afterlife or what is helping us through our current lives always fascinated me. What is God? Why is He (She, It) here and what does it do for us? I wanted truth. I have tried just about every religion or have read about it but there was always a hole. Always something missing that just didn't make sense. I have never felt this way before. I have never felt so certain that what I had found was IT. Now, how do I explain it to my family? How do you say to your husband, the guy who supported you in all your crazy studies in the land of religion? He thought it was a hobby. But I was always serious about my persuit of the truth. I have always judged what I read with a critical eye. I have always gone through with a fine toothed comb before I would believe any of it. I have been to the churches, temples, synagogs. I have never felt that anything I have discovered is worthy of being shouted from the roof tops. Until recently.
Now, I don't care how many of you think I'm wacky. I have discovered a topic called spirit science. It's not really a religion. It just explains everything. I am not going to get into it in detail. If you are interested, do the research. I am certain of this evidence as fact. I can feel it. This is a topic that discusses aliens. Yes, extraterrestrial beings. This is why I do not think that it will go over well. Like I said, I don't care if you think I'm a nut job. This is MY diary (which maybe 3 of you read anyway) so I suggest that if you no longer want to read the entries...just don't. you won't be hurting my feelings. People get so angry over religion. They were taught these ideas and believe them as true. Some will defend them to death. Some people need religion. Clinging to it in times of distress, giving thier own power of control up. That is the part I always found interesting. I wanted to know who to lean on. God? Buddha? Whatever? Well I have found that you can harness your inner power. You can depend on yourself. I am not disconnecting with God. I am plugging in.
I don't really believe in Christmas. All the gifts are nice. But if I am not celebrating the birth of Christ, than what am I doing? I am giving gifts, spending money, listening to my family bicker, baking... Ugh. I don't want t go off on a tangent about what Christmas is. But I do want to point out that all over the world, other people are celebrating some sort of Holiday involving some sort of idol. If I want to change tradition, how will I explain that to my family? My four year old? I just hope that she can learn to not be spoiled and to enjoy the planet and what it REALLY has to offer, not just some material possesions. Just like everyone else, I want what is best for them. My concept of "best" has changed. |
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