i wrote my Jan wrap-up and couldn't post it becuse of the time out at sbux...and it didn't save here..i was filled with much bitterness and rage.
in any event...
January despite the bus madness was a 11 out of 10, sure i couldn't get to school or do much, but i still call it a win...
i made tremendous progress with my most important boast, spending time wiht and growing closer to little C, frankly everything else is crap...
that was priority one, and i exceeded my wildest expetations, so me=happy,
That said my other boasts did not go quite as well, but i'm still pleased.
Painting-wise my Deathrippers are done, and i got a good start on the Banes, but theyr'e not quite done yet, still signifigant progress was made, so i'm pleased.
School was alright, i couldn't get there much so that slowed me down...but i'm slowly catching up...
And on a positive note i'm going to Gencon, if all goes according to plan, it's something i've wanted to do for years now, could never quite pull it off but this could be the year. Unforutnatly it's not a 'warmachine' year but c'est la vie, i'll take what i can get, and either way i've little dout it'll be a blast.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There has been something troubling me for the blance of January, and it's taken me a while to figure out what it was that was bothering me.
I've been thinking about Jen alot this past month.....really ever since i ran into her, and it made me realize something.
for a long *long* time i've been 'after' someone, usually Jennifer, but there have been others, and that i'm in a mental place where i'm not sure how not to be 'after' someone, it's become a charcteristic of how i look at the world.
and there have been times when i've wanted 'her' without someone specific in mind, just the generic 'poly-pagan-gamer-girl-chick' who's "The One"
and there are times when someone specfic becomes 'The One' but sometimes it's just the concept.\
but regardless of who it may be, it's a troubling way of going about things, and it gives me pause.
I've felt for a long time that i'm happy with who i am and my life for the most part, but if i feel i *need* someone, then mayhaps something is missing, and i'd suspect the missing thing is internal not external.....it bears thinking about.
a couple of notes, firstly i've talked about wanting to find 'the one' or 'that girl' or whatever, and over the past few years a few girls have been in that mental space for me. In no way am i saying they're interchangable, or that any of them is disposable. I have cared for and/or loved each of them for the wonderful person they are. Things didn't work out and that's ok, i've formed some strong and life-long friendships, and ain't not bad!\
Also, i apologize for any spelling errors, i'm using a new laptop and i don't have firefox installed yet, and i've gotten used to it's spell checker.
good night and good luck |
Loading...
