yeah my mom may be a crack head and who knows what else but shes still my mother and i love her. i wish i could have a relationship with her like we used to but i know if i talk to her im just going to want to move back in with her and i cant, not until she gets better. it hurts so bad not having my mom in my life. she was my best friend, the person i turned to for everything. even writing this is making me cry. lately ive been forced to act like she doesnt exist and i dont really have anyone to talk to about her because no one really understands.. im sitting in in school suspension crying about my stupid mother who needs to just go to rehab and get better so she can be a mother. thats what i want, my mother to be a mother. why cant she do that for me? you would think her love for me, her only child, would be enough to get sober and STAY SOBER! but no...she just wont do it. i feel like im not enough for her ..its just hard. me and my mom didnt have a normal relationship, ever. we smoked pot together, we drank together, my friends were her friends, yeah i know in a way thats wrong but i dont care. it was how me and her were. we only fought when her boyfriend was around or she was high on other things besides pot, when she was stoned she was a good time, even when she was drunk she was fun but as soon as anything else entered her system it was like nothing else mattered, not even me! it hurts me so much that i dont have a mom to run to when i need her... |
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