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Struggles no more.. (:
by Emmie x

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next entry: Sacked!

Miscarriage.. ): Painful.

11/17/2010




3.15PM

What a shit week! ):
When i woke up on Monday i felt so ill - tired, sick, headache, stomach ache, diarrhea-like. I jus thought i had a bug coming from work but on Tuesday morning i started bleeding. I was all over the place, i tried ringing the Gynae department at the hospital for 3 hours & couldn't get through so mama took me straight to A&E. I got seen near enough straight away. A very nice doctor took care of me, and explained everything that was going on - ( miscarriage ): ) - he did a stomach examination, and one inside my womb, took a load of swabs & that incase i'd got infection. He said that naturally a miscarriage can take up to 2 weeks before it finishes so he advised i take the termination tablets. I did, and OH MY DAYS!! WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT?! Last night i was in so much pain. It was unbelievable. I was absolutely fine throughout the day - i went shopping, i'd bought our cooker & Chubb's birthday present, me & mama had soma to eat, when i got home whilst Shane was reading his book i had a clean through - then at about 10 i went to the toilet & a clot the size ( and i am not joking! ) the size of a golf ball came out, aftet that they jus wouldn't stop coming out. I must've lost about 8 clots last night, all of them were quite big. I got snuggled up with Squish in bed anyway, and that's when i started getting SEVERE sharp pains in my stomach. They'd last about 10 minutes then stop for 5 minutes, then they'd come back again. I couldn't stop crying, and i can't now ): I was up & down all night. At about 5AM they got that bad i actually thought i was in labour - i went to the toilet to sit down & i couldn't, then i stood up and nearly threw up everywhere, then my legs caved in below me so i knocked my cabinet over in the lounge and i jus went so dizzy. Shane took me straight to back to bed and i calmed down. I jus hope that after all the scans i've had that they're sure that i'd miscarried a long time ago because to me it felt like my poor little babee was dying inside me. I feel sorry for little Squish - i know he's upset but he won't share it, whenever i woke up he kept saying 'Sssh i'm not going anywhere'. Bless him. What i'd do without him i don't know.

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*hugs* I'm sorry sweetie. xx

[Tinkerbell &heartsStar|0 likes] [|reply]

): I wanted to keep him. I can't stop tearing up - i don't want Shane to see me like this constantly. He saw enough last night.

[Emmie x|0 likes] [|reply]

It's expected huni. Your emotions are going to be everywhere, your homoanes will be everywhere too. Shane prob wont understand what you are going through and he will prob get frustrated because he doesn't understand so it may put some strain on your relationship. If you can work through it though things will be good. I hope he can support you through this tough time. xxx

[Tinkerbell &heartsStar|0 likes] [|reply]

You *were* in labour.
And be sad. It was a death, and your body would mourn even if your brain didn't, and your brain is too. So cry. Cry and cry and cry.
*hug* My condolences.

[a little one|0 likes] [|reply]

That's so crap that they didn't warn you it would give you labor-esque pains! What a terrible thing to do to anyone. Pain like that is definitely easier to endure when you have the opportunity to brace yourself for it.

I'm glad he was there for you to help you. I'd be scared to think about what could have happened if he hadn't been there to help you

Maybe sometime soon the two of you could try for a baby? He may be sad as well and not showing it.

[JessicaStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm so sorry.
I can't imagine how heartbreaking it must be for you both.

[amyStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Thanks all for comments ): x

[Emmie x|0 likes] [|reply]

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