So...finally had a period on my own. No Provera. The meds she put me on to encourage my period to come finally worked. So I can try for baby this month.
We're going to work on losing the weight so he can enlist in the air force. We're really serious about it, for our future, for our children's future. I've also accepted that my wedding will be small, with very few "bride's side" there. Not how I wanted it...or pictured it, but we'll see what we can do.
I've been talking to Hallie lately. She wants to move up here to get to know me. I finally broke down and decided to give her a chance to be a "mother" even though she's never truly going to be my mother. She's accepted that I have a mother, and won't call her that though. It's just...hard. I don't know how far I can trust her...even if she did give birth to me.
Hacker just had his baby...looks just like him. It's kind of put me in an emotional state. I'm trying not to be jealous or angry, but I can't help it. I get even worse when he tries to claim my baby girl as his...he never held her, talked to her...nothing. He was a sperm donor, nothing more. I'm sorry if I'm being selfish with that, but it's how I feel. I carried her for nine months, bonded, sang to her, talked to her, read her stories...I bought her anything she would need, and planned for her future. He was just there to hit me in my stomache shortly before i lost her. I may be selfish about it, but I can't help it.
I'm considering cutting my hair off. It's soo thick and long...I can't do anything with it. It takes four hours just to get all the tangles out of it. The curls don't help any.
I'm looking forward to summer. I'm ready to go camping on the lake again...and still planning our vacations. I'm thinking about joining a gym as well...so maybe I can lose some weight.
Chris' parents talk to Jennifer more than I do. I know I got annoyed because it seemed the only time we saw her was when she needed something but now it just seems wrong that his parents see her and talk to her more than I do. We barely talk now.
I know...I lead a boring life. |
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