theres so much going on right now. its crazy. really. and ive talked about it till im blue in the face. but.. im thinking. the wheels are turning, quicker, quicker.. and i dont think for a minute that they will stop short at nothing less than true fucking insanity on this.. just..i dunno. i dont KNOW yet. but.. after this bullshit, im putting my war paint on, sticking knives in my combat boots and fuckin' losing it! why try to hang on to something you havent had since you were 18 anyway? [my mind.. i truly miss] and now, after torturous events piled up one on top of the other.. i feel like a fragile little flower that has but a single petal hanging there.. just waiting for the next gust of wind to blow it away.. so that its just a lonely little stem. but im holding my head up. ive gotten out of my relationship. thats a start AND a big leap. and i miss him but.. im not taking him back. so last night my brother pulled the ultimate roll of betrayal on me and it was set up long before even and the son of a bitch sat there.. i can barely think about it now. what are you boy? a fucking android with no soul? you call yourself a hippie do you even know what a fucking hippie is about? no, you dont. but before i go off on a tangent here.. let me think positive thoughts when it comes to that. because i didnt know; didnt think that he could or would do something like that to me. anyway, bad blood aside... im going to start WRAP classes. i need it. and maybe an acupuncturist can help with the lip quivering thing and the shaking and stuttering? thats all thanks to you know who. thanks alot X. thats you on here from now on. if you are mentioned you will be X. how very appropriate. anyway.. i dont know if i could handle an acupuncturist. i dont like needles at all. i mean ive had some major piercings before but.. i dunno. sit there while some dude puts lots of tiny little needles in and you gotta be still and think there are needles in me, all over. ? ha. sounds like a panic attack waiting to happen. anyway, guess thats it for tonight. |
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