I really should be getting to bed for a good nights rest but for some reason, the computer calls me to write this so I'm probably going to write a short snippet and go to bed.
I want to lose this weight so that when I look in the mirror, I'm seing myself and not some stranger. When I look in the mirror, i have to look twice in the bad way. I want to look in the mirror and have it reflect on the outside, how i feel on the inside.
I used to be beautiful. I used to look in the mirror and go: "Damn girl!" Now, its like i hold nothing but disgust for myself and how I've become. I want to get out of that attitude because i know that Im just sabotaging myself, but at the same time, I remember when I used to be a size 12. I don't really remember being smaller than that, but I'm pretty sure I was. haha. I used to complain about being a size 12. Now, i'd give litterally ANYTHING to be a size 12.
I want to be that size again. I dont want to have to compromise my style and who I am just because I'm overweight. My friends say: "youre not fat. That's just the way you're built." No it's not. They havent seen me when I was a size 12 pant and a size medium in a shirt.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS.
I've been through so much in my life. I deserve the chance to be who I want to be.
I deserve to be healthy.
I deserve to love myself.
I deserve to feel good about myself.
I deserve to be the best person I can be.
I think I've always felt like I haven't been good enough, secretly, like I was punishing myself for some sin that I've committed in a past life. Maybe I was secretly pushing people away, and that subconciously I created a wall around myself with weight.
Well no more.
Today I take control of myself.
Today I am in control for the first time.
I CAN DO THIS |
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