Yes, we are from the same generation, and I understand that concept of sex being shameful. It sounds as though you feel quite a bit of shame based from these behaviors of watching porn online. On some level, it seems as though the food addiction and the sex addiction may go hand-in-hand here. What I mean by that is you have feelings of shame associated with your "secret" sex behavior. And, many times when we have a Secret it will manifest itself in the form of a self-destructive behavior. Like over eating.
I wonder if you've ever noticed a correlation between these two behaviors?
I feel ashamed about my overeating but not about my sex behavior. The only problem with the sex behavior is that it causes occasional fights between Jennifer and me, but I don’t see anything wrong with the behavior. It is self-destructive in the sense that I stay up too late in the evening and can’t practice self-care.
Ah...so there is more shame involved in eating, mainly due to your health issues. As far as watching porn on the internet, you see nothing wrong with this, other than you have a negative consequence that you have fights with your mate about it, and your sleep is disrupted. I don't want to assume, but most of my clients use porn as a method to arouse themselves and masturbate. Is this part of your process as well? What type of things does your wife say about this behavior? What are the basis for your fights? It may help to do a cost-benefit analysis on these 2 behaviors for yourself. Here are the questions to ask yourself for each separately:
1) What do I enjoy about my addictive behavior? What does it do for me? (be specific)
2) What do I think I will like about giving up my addictive behavior? What good things might happen when I stop my addictive behavior?
3) What do I hate about my addictive behavior? What bad things does it do to me and to others? (give specific examples)
4) What do I think I won’t like about giving up my addictive behavior? What am I going to hate, dread or dislike about living without my addictive behavior?
I enjoy the rush of chemicals in my brain as I bite into something I really like. However, most of the time with food, I think I eat just to maintain my mood. It is as if I can’t think unless I am eating something. I suppose it is similar to an alcoholic who drinks just to get through the day.
With sex, it is more of a full immersion. When I am talking to a sex cam model, I am not thinking about anything else. My entire brain is focused on what is going on in the chat room. I’d say that 50% of it has nothing to do with sex. We talk about general topics like travel, books and life in general. Towards the end of the conversation, often there is mutual masturbation but not always. I love the feeling of totally engrossing myself in something and forgetting life for a while. I suppose people who play the online "Warcraft" or some other such games probably have a similar experience.
If I stopped my food and sex addictions, I’d be able to lose weight and exercise. This would improve my health, quality of life and hopefully my lifespan. Now that I have an 18 month old son, I’d like to be alive for him as he grows up and becomes a man. Also, I’d like to have the energy to keep up with him as he gets older and more active.
In terms of what I think I will not like, I think I will find it difficult to adjust to not eating all the time. It is an unconscious activity. And if I am not eating then I will need to figure out something else to do. I am wondering how I will be able to cope with the emotions that may come up if I am not eating. Sometimes I find it very difficult to concentrate and I eat so that I can get work done. Also I love being totally immersed in something after a long day I want to be able to forget about my day and just have a few hours where I don't have to think about anything of any consequence.
I've been thinking about drinking protein shakes during the day so that I avoid eating. Anytime I want to eat I could just pick up a protein shake. I don't really care for them so much and maybe that will help me change my behavior. If I have permission to drink as many protein shakes as I want I may not want to drink that many. By doing this I would end up losing weight and also not constantly be thinking about what is around me that I can put in my mouth if the only thing I'm allowed to put in my mouth is a protein shake it would get old after a while. I have to drink protein shakes a few years ago for about a week for medical reasons and I found it by the end of the week I was not craving anything.
I logged onto my doctor’s website today and found out that my diabetes and cholesterol have gotten worse in the last couple of months. This is freaking me out and making me think I could die at any moment. I’ll need to figure out and do something about my life choices. Exercising three times a week just isn’t enough. I need to work harder; sleep longer; and eat better.
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