Okay, so when we talk about changing behaviors, the ones that you want to try to eliminate and replace are the WebCam sex and phone sex. Obviously, the middle circle being using the Internet, is your caution area. This is also about changing your habits to have a more healthy Internet relationship. Where you use the Internet to enhance your life in other ways.
Can you tell me more about your relationship with your wife Jennifer? Describe for me what happened with in your sexual relationship, and what created the lack of sexual intimacy between the two of you.
There are a number of reasons why my wife and I do not have sex. First, because of my diabetes and depression, although not impossible, it is difficult for me to get an erection. Secondly, I find it very difficult to get an erection with Jennifer because we have very different views on sex. I like it loud, crazy, and kinky. She's very plain and basic. Her idea of sex is in the missionary position with the lights out. I think a lot of that has to do with her insecurities and body image issues, but it ends up affecting both of us.
We used to have sex about once per week when we were dating and first married. Then, it just seemed to get more difficult. I think I got bored having sex with her, because it was always the same position and actions. She did not seem to engage very much. She was very quiet, like a mouse, and didn't really do much when we were in bed together. She doesn't like oral sex (giving or receiving) so the options were very limited for us. My boredom, along with my medical issues kept us from having sex.
In the past, when she and I would begin to kiss, she would stop and talk about something after ever every kiss - the economy, world events, groceries, or anything and everything not related to what we were actually doing. With her talking, it was very difficult for me to get in the mood. I was frustrated because it made me feel like she was not concentrating on what we were doing. I felt that she did not find me attractive, and was not interested in sex with me.
She would sometimes compare her body to other women she saw at the gym. She would tell me how the women were very old and unattractive. Again, another image I didn't need while trying to have sex.
Also, there were a few times that I made sexual advances and was rebuffed. That didn't help matters but I think that had more to do with how we were getting along in our relationship outside the bedroom than anything else. For a long time, it made me feel that she was not really into sex. So, to have my needs met, I created a life for myself of masturbation, porn and web cams.
I think if you ask either one of us, we will both tell you we have a very solid and loving marriage. We both love each other dearly. We are both each other's best friends, and we like to do things together. We genuinely enjoy our time together. We hug, kiss, and hold hands, and do all those things that other couples do. However, it stops with sex.
Over the years, I've taken Viagra and other similar drugs. Honestly, they haven't helped much and just leave me with a headache. So, that's why I haven't really used too many of those types of pills.
18 months ago we adopted a son and I think it strengthened our relationship.
But really, my sex addiction is not the part that concerns me the most. In fact, I am not certain I am ready to give that up. What bothers me more and impacts me daily is my food addiction. I really want to bring that under control. I need to lose 40 lbs to be at my personal goal weight. With my health at stake, it is a life or death situation. I want to live long enough to be able to see my son grow up and make a life for himself.
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