Change

02/27/2013

Reading the bloop secrets I notice a lot of people want to change things about themselves or they are afraid of how others may change.
I don't see what's wrong with change anymore.
Growing up with aspergers and ASD I feared change a lot and it was hard for me especially with a mother who liked to constantly move furniture and found making plans and routine hard.
But you know what as I got older change wasn't a big issue neither was the colour yellow or certain flavours and smells.
Wet sand no longer annoyed me as much and I didn't want to scream if something sticky got on my fingers, I still had to wash it off immediately and I still avoid the stuff that annoys me.

But I don't avoid change I love it, I guess after you have changed school ten times and you have even been sent to social services change isn't bad.
But this change people are afraid of I'm these "secrets" is self change.
Growing up I changed a lot I started of non verbal then I was verbal but not social by the time I was I. Grade ten I could make freinds and take care of myself and by year eleven I had moved out of my family home.
But in year seven I could dress myself and feed myself that was about it, I had one friend.

My personality changed, I wasn't diagnosed till I was nine and I got severe depression because with that diagnosis I realised "I was different."
At nine I was in and out of mental hospitals for depression and self harm.
By the time I was thirteen they took me away from my mum because she couldn't stop me from self harming.
While in care I was abused.
I was hit my clothes and bedding were taken off me the food was locked away the bathroom bedroom and toilet all had locks on them and sometimes I was left to sit in the lounge naked, on the floor.

I had been abused before that when I was younger by my father when he was ill just before he died, but this was different, they didn't respect me, they didn't care how I felt.

From that I grew I got my mother back we didn't get along I blamed her for the abuse I had to go threw it was her choice to sign me over to them, even if they said I would kill myself if she didn't.
We fought constantly but even though my mum and I didn't get along I was better.
I had friends I could look after myself I no longer felt so depressed and my head was finally my own no body was playing mind games.

The thing was people who had known me for years found it hard I had changed a lot and very fast and continued to.
My personality constantly changed.