This entry is about a friend with schizophrenia he got locked up in a mental health facility for 4 months. At the time we both were not very well mentally you will hopefully understand the title when I am finished the entry.
Before I start I have many mental illness's I don't like to list them because then I feel like it's a competition. If you keep reading my journal you will eventually find them all out, I think.
Just so you can understand a bit more the main ones that were a factor in these 4 months or really 6 months that this entry is written about are:
Manic depression
Suicidal tendencies
ASD
Aspergers
Multiple personality's.
Okay onto my friend, my friend is the only one when I am on a bender that can get me out.
But he was sick too, in fact he left me on the curb to help myself.
Not by choice, I am still getting over the pain of him leaving.
Long story he had to get locked up to fix some problems.
This entry is about how I dealt with my support leaving when I was spiralling and what happened.
If you know me back when I used to be sincerely apples you will know I find it hard to write and stick to the story, so bare with me.
I will stick to the story but it may be a lot of coming back and forward to scenes.
My friend left, I was already heart broken distraught and homeless.
The pain killed me, but him leaving killed me more.
I could barely breath, I was bed bound from the stress I couldn't talk or eat.
His friend came to visit me and gave me updates.
He told me my friend was okay and held me and said I would be okay.
Slowly I got better then I was walking home and I saw my friend.
I fainted, when I woke up I wasn't myself.
I woke up on the kitchen floor my boyfriend staring at me.
My head felt wrong I couldn't move, my body wouldn't work.
What was that taste in my mouth?
Oh no, I knew that taste.
I knew this feeling.
I was slipping away.
I stared at my boyfriend, scared.
I didn't remember doing it.
I made him call an ambulance and my mother.
As I lay on the kitchen floor slowly slipping away.
Then I heard the voice, "GET UP OFF THE FLOOR YOU STUPID BITCH, WHY WERE YOU SO SELFISH? WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO CARE?"
Thank you! You came! I laughed!
This was my mothers voice the one I needed to hear.
She pushed me into the car and got me to the hospital.
They made me sit in the waiting room, little did they know I was hypersensitive to medication.
It may have only been a few hours but my body was slowly shutting down.
As soon as the nurse saw me I passed out.
I woke up with drips in my arms.
Three days went past, all I wanted was to get out.
My body was fine but I now had a throat infection due to my low immune system.
They gave me antibiotics and I was discharged.
It got worse though I got weak again from the stress and I lost speech.
I couldn't walk, I couldn't sit up for long or I lost my breath.
I just slept.
I was very ill mentally and physically.
A lot of you reading this probably think I should of been in hospital to get help.
Thing is, I wish I was.
But they can't take me.
I get worse If hospitalized.
A lot worse.
My friend he spent 4 months in hospital he got out better.
If I was in there it would of been 6 and I would of come out worse.
That is why my mothers house at anytime can be shut down.
She locks everything away.
Then leaves me to heal.
I can't have any human contact when I am really bad.
It will just hurt me and the other person and I know it thats why I lock myself in my room.
A lot of my friends don't understand. |
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