I'm scared... I met someone.. someone... so close to perfect for me it's just crazy. He is amazing. He amazes me more and more every day, and everything inside me tells me that this is the kind of guy I can fall for, who will let me fall,
and then fall right along with me... He does and says everything I've always wished Brandon would. I can literally feel my heart pulling away from Brandon now, and it scares me. I've been in love with him for a year now. I don't know how
to NOT be in love with him. I don't know how to have him not be some part of my every day life. It's crazy to think it's only been like a week since I started talking to Mark. I think Mark and I have gotten to know each other more this week than
Brandon and I have in a year. Isn't that sad? I feel completely bipolar right now... today was Mark's birthday and we have been texting back and forth ALL day... that's how it's been for the last few days... and for these days I have been smiling
all day long... and then night sets in, and everyone is asleep and I'm sitting here all alone, thinking... about what this all means. I used to joke around and tell Brandon I would cheat on anyone on earth with him, but I'm realizing that's not true.
If I fall for Mark the way I think I'm going to... I would never do anything to risk hurting him or losing him, and that includes messing around with Brandon. I won't stop being his friend, but that's as far as it will ever go while I'm with Mark. He will
just have to accept that. I've given him a year to step up and say ONE damn word to show me that he wants to be with me, and he hasn't done it. he's sweet sometimes, he shows he cares sometimes, but he's never come close to actually saying
he even thinks we should take a chance and be together, or see where things go... and I just can't live like that anymore. I can't deal with that uncertainty, especially when there is something so amazing looking me right in the face. I promised Brandon
I would video chat with him tonight, and then after talking to Mark all day and night, I really didn't feel like it, so I just never logged on. I think going out of my way to avoid him is a pretty good indication of where things are starting to go now...
So.. jumping back in that roller coaster car... let's see where this ride takes me... *sigh*
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I feel completely bipolar right now... today was Mark's birthday and we have been texting back and forth ALL day... that's how it's been for the last few days... and for these days I have been smiling
