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LoVeLy.LeSbIaN.
by br!na

previous entry: nothing goes right anymore..RANT!!

next entry: pain...doc appt..update.

depressed & longing for an answer!

10/18/2010

I don't know what to do anymore. Melissa and I decided to take a break from TTC. But the thought of that just makes me want to cry. I keep thinking, "what if the month we don't inseminate is OUR month!? What if that's the one month we would have actually gotten pregnant??" I don't think I can handle that. I want to continue trying. But she thinks it would be best for me to take a break. And I just don't know how to talk to her about it.

It doesn't help that our old roomate [who used to be head over heels for melissa and wouldn't find anyone else until we moved far away.] Is now married to a woman and they have decided to start TTC. I know this may sound mean, but I KNOW this woman. She is not good with kids!! I've seen her with Melissa's neice and nephew. And if she gets pregnant before I do, I would be very upset. And probably drop all contact with her. I wouldn't be able to stand watching her throughout her pregnancy knowing that it should be me!!

I'm just really depressed right now. And don't really have anyone to talk to about it. Melissa always kind of shuts down when I start talking about inseminations and all the TTC stuff. I don't know why!

I just wish God would send me sign. Let me know if I should take a break or continue. I kind of agree that a break would be good for me. TTC is driving me nuts. It's all I think about anymore. I'm always calculating, thinking, planning. As we are doing inseminations I'm already planning how the next one should go.
I'm longing for an answer from God. What should I do?

previous entry: nothing goes right anymore..RANT!!

next entry: pain...doc appt..update.

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Not that I am any kind of expert, but I reckon stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Of course I dont take my own advice, but getting so stressed cant be good for us.

[~*Pagan*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

usually the moment i stop wanting something is the moment it happens for me. any time i've started a relationship or had something i want happen to me, it's when i've stopped obsessing about it and just let things take their course. now, this can't really be the case for you because you're doing insemination. you're actively making an effort; it's not like it can happen "naturally," so to speak. but maybe take a break and just distance yourself from it. come back to it when it isn't "do or die" so much.

[valerieeeeeStar|0 likes] [|reply]

sometimes a month break or so does help people calm down... maybe you did need a little relax time? *hugs* i hope that other woman doesn't get pregnant.. i hate seeing people who shouldn' tbe parents become parents

[.Ban.Ignorance.|0 likes] [|reply]

don't give up but don't be so hard on yourself. have you ever thought maybe going to a doctor and insenminating that way? maybe u'll have more luck? (dunno if i asked or said that b4)
praying for u & ur wifey

[♥ Mrs. Mommy|0 likes] [|reply]

I agree w/ Pagan.. Stressing out isn't good. It makes your body do crazy, weird things. Maybe taking a month off wouldn't be a bad idea, honestly. I know it's frustrating to think about not trying and all the what if scenarios, but it will happen eventually.

Also, like April suggested (Mrs.Mommy) -- have you contemplated going and talking to a doctor about doing the insemination? Maybe you guys would have luck that way?

[*-.Stephanie.-* Star|0 likes] [|reply]

maybe taking some time for yourself could be a good thing?keep positive, but don't give up!i can imagine how frustrating it can be (especially when you feel like you can't talk to your wife).as the others have said, being stressed does no good for the body.i wish you the best, girl.

[skaraaa|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: nothing goes right anymore..RANT!!

next entry: pain...doc appt..update.

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