Happiness
The end result is all that matters.
That's what I keep telling myself, over and over. Because it's the truth. All that counts is that Melissa and I have a child. It's what we've always wanted! It's the only thing missing from our family. We want a little baby to love and spoil. Someone to have that special bond with, that only parent and child can have.
But in my version, it's always been me. I'm the one that's supposed to get pregnant. I crave that bond. Carrying your child inside of you for 9 months. Feeling it grow and move. Now that we are trying with Melissa, I have a new fear. Jealousy. I feel that I will resent Mel for the entire 9 months. And I don't want that. I want to be happy that we will have a child of our own. But everytime she will feel the child move, or the bigger she gets, I'm afraid I will resent her more and more. And I'm afraid that it will hurt our relationship. I don't want to push her away. But how can I get past it and just be happy?
I guess I won't really know until it happens. These are just my thoughts. What I've been afraid of since we started this. I don't know if I will be able to handle it.
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