Things have to get worse before they get better, right?
Hello bloopers, sorry I haven't updated how things have been going lately. If any of you had read my previous entry you know all about the problems I've been experiencing with my boyfriend. I thought things were getting better but today proved otherwise.
On Tuesday it was decided that Chris and I were going to spend some time together on Thursday since we had a half day and haven't done that for awhile, September 17 to be exact. I was excited because I always miss him terribly now that I'm babysitting everyday after school. Since today was a half day I didn't have to go to work until three.
After school we went to his house and were sitting upstairs with his brother(my best friend), my friend Jessica, his sister, and his nana. I was upset because it was suppose to be just me and him. So I ended up going downstairs and laying down thinking about how I was upset that we weren't hanging out alone as planned.
About ten minutes later Chris came downstairs. He told me to come in his bedroom. I was a little excited because I thought we were going to watch tv or a movie together or something. He said he was tired and layed down on his bed. I layed down with him and told him he couldn't go to sleep since I only had two hours until I had to go to work and I never get to see him. Now, I don't know but it hurt my feelings because he said something like "Well what do you want to do? There isn't anything to do here and you don't want to hangout in a group." That really hurt my feelings because it seemed to me like he didn't want to be hanging out with me alone.
I sat up and my eyes started watering. He didn't see this so he was just laying there. I put my head down in my lap and tears started coming. It was only one or two tears but still. Then without saying a word to me he got up and left his room. After about fifteen minutes he never came back. I texted him and asked him where he was and he said he was upstairs in his nana's room. This got me really upset. I mean seriously, he just left me down there sitting by myself. I went into his brother's room and started to cry.
When Josh went upstairs I started crying more and told my friend Jessica what happened. She couldn't believe it. She said she could see now that I wasn't overreacting. Soon after that we found out that Chris planned on leaving with his nana and Josh to go to the school conferences. This got me even more upset because he was just going to leave me.
I know Chris knew I was crying because my eyes were all red and all my mascara and eyeliner was on my hoodie sleeve. He didn't comment though. When me and his brother went to get the car so we could all leave for the conferences, Josh asked me what I expected me and Chris to do today. I told him it didn't matter I just wanted to spend time with him. Josh told me that Chris just told him that he didn't want to do anything sexual so that's why he want upstairs. I got kind of mad because I guess Chris thinks that's all I want to do. I honestly don't know why.
When I got to work around three I texted Chris. I was asking him how the rest of the conferences went and then after he answered I casually told him I needed to talk to him later. He asked me what for? I told him he had nothing to worry about it was just something I had to make clear.
When he calls me tonight I'm going to tell him how I feel. I'm going to tell him that when I'm with him I don't only want to do sexual things. I would be perfectly happy just sitting there watching tv, talking, or watching a movie. All I want is to spend some alone time with him like we did before I had a job. We used to be able to do anything and just be happy to have each others company. I don't know what happened but I hope something changes soon. I love him to death and he means the world to me. I want things to go back to how they used to be. I miss him so much.
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