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riffs's Diary
by riffs

next entry: A bit less dramatic.

First Entry: About Me.

06/16/2012

Right. So here I am.

Seeing as I have nowhere I can just rant, because of fearing how my friends will view me in a public domain such as Facebook or Tumblr, I will use this to vent my insecurities and emotions. But mainly insecurities.

So here's some info:

My name's Sammy, I'm 20 years old (soon to be 21), I study Audio & Music Production at uni. I play guitar in my band Kill Chambers, and I have some incredible friends. Those are all the positives in my life.

But there's more.

I have the world's worst self esteem, I'm ever so slightly Narcissistic, and I hate my body. These three things greatly affect me, especially now. I've been single for about 6 months now, after the longest relationship I've ever had, which lasted 3 and a half years. My ex girlfriend was horrible. She controlled, belittled, and ignored me for practically our whole relationship. I've been so happy being single, but it's brought up a new problem.

The memories of my previous relationship, combined with my own psychological faults have completely destroyed my self-confidence.

There are several girls that I like, and I'm too scared to actually say anything. But when I do rarely pluck up the courage to say something, I have such a crippling fear of being rejected, I don't say anything. The worst part about it all is that because of this, I get friend-zoned far more than I would like, which effectively destroys any chance that I have of entering a new relationship.

So I'm on my own, with all of my insecurities. They eat away at me in the night, and stop me from sleeping. So I guess that makes me an insomniac. And I long for the intimacy of a relationship constantly: The cuddling, kissing, hand-holding, and the companionship.

I wish I wasn't like this.

So that's me.

next entry: A bit less dramatic.

0 likes, 10 comments

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I came here for pretty much the same reason, somewhere to write about the things on my mind, away from people I know.

Re: "friend-zoned," that's just an excuse arrogant people throw out there for being overlooked by someone. Dating someone who's been a friend is a fabulous way to go, you already know & are comfortable with them. Don't think that just because you've been friends with someone, that it counts you out of ever having a shot with them if they're someone you have feelings for!

[Olethros|0 likes] [|reply]

hi sammy!! so glad i persauded you to join us ^___^
olethros & i are already friends so now this is like one big love in! happy days.
happy blooping and im glad you have somewhere you can write. <3

[shiloh.xo|0 likes] [|reply]

when I was a little younger than you are now, I had the same problem.. only instead of freezing and not saying anything, I always wound up with someone far worse for me than I deserved. It took a lot of time, getting to know myself and making changes; whether it was therapy, a diary, making positive changes in OTHER areas of my life or treating myself to something I rarely got the chance to do (such as new clothes, a movie or a nice dinner) I finally got there.. and met some decent people and made more amazing friends. It won't always be like this for you if you put the work in and you're motivated to change. Trust me. It feels like it will be never ending but think of it as a divot. You're temporarily stuck inside of it but with a nice little push, easily bypassed. Think positive Sammy.

[Ehm|0 likes] [|reply]

Thank you all, I really appreciate the support. I just need somewhere I can keep my thoughts and feelings that isn't my own head

[riffs|0 likes] [|reply]

a lot of people are insucure about themslevs.

It's kinda hard to read with the background and white font.

[†ara|0 likes] [|reply]

I say jump right in feet first and be yourself.. You will never make it out of the friend zone and into the arms of someone you want if you don't take 5 minutes of pure courage. It's hard as hell to do - I struggle with the same problems but I'm married - mine are me having issues making friends.
So just take a shot of captin & breath...

[•Mommy to four•|0 likes] [|reply]

I havent been been in a relationship in 6 years. I hate everything about myself. So, were in the same boat except I have a 2 year old with a man that is and still isn't relationship material. Being single isn't always the worst thing but sometimes being in a relationship isn't either. 6 months isn't really a long time either. Never jump into a relationship and maybe try dating around?

[Harlee|0 likes] [|reply]

I think that the best relationships start out with being friends first. That way when you start dating the person you already know and feel comfortable around them.

The self esteem issue is something that just needs a lot of work. I use to have really low self esteem. Somewhere around my junior year in college that changed. I also use to be really depressed. Then one day I was on my way to college and saw a sign that said, "Happineas is the result of being too busy to be miserable." Now I live my that quote. You'll get there, it just takes work!

Oh, and welcome to bloop!

[*Pixie*|0 likes] [|reply]

We all love this site for the same reason, I wouldn't post the same things on my facebook! I always had pretty bad self esteem, until I realized that I needed to except myself for what I was and that helped me to talk to people I normally would be to shy to say anything to. Don't let that ex bring you down, she sounded like a mean person with her own set of issues. You sound like an awesome person. And welcome to Bloop!

[LuckyRose|0 likes] [|reply]


Welcome to Bloop =]

I have been in touch relationships, too, but they never lasted as long as yours did. I could never be in a relationship that long =S

"No good deed goes unpunished.."

[Bellatrix-Lestrange|0 likes] [|reply]

next entry: A bit less dramatic.

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