Is it weird to be afraid to be happy?
I am so afraid that I will miss something critical, like that I am terribly sick and I won't even know or that I will be so happy with someone that I won't even notice that everything is going sour.
I am so afraid that I will not be able to do as well in school if I am happy.
It scares me to be afraid of being happy (I know that just makes it worse). Shouldn't we want to, strive to be happy?
I feel like being happy would be good for me. I would follow my heart more and do stuff that truly makes me happy, which in the end would be a good thing.
I guess I am just afraid of losing control of my life. I have no idea why I see myself as on the brink of losing control... Maybe more fear and more controlling.
I guess this is just another hurdle towards keeping fear from controlling my life.
Growing up is chaotic. No one ever tells you that. Or maybe they do and I was so excited about being an adult that I didn't listen. |
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