| For everyone but me apparently
Everyone who has been reading knows that lately Josh has been a pacifist. We decided that we wanted nothing to do with Dee Dee and wanted Claire no where around her and since then he has not once stood up to that in any sense of the word. The first time was the last time we were here and now this weekend. But whatever. I understand that his dad is holding on to some last tinge of hope he can save his marriage but why would you want to after all she has done. At the very least I should be allowed to choose what I want for my family. You want to put up with her bull then fine but I don't want to and shouldn't have to. But of course we have to save face and pacify everyone, because if we say we don't like her it will start a fight. If we don't come run to their side every time they call they will be upset. Heaven forbid. I have no freedom to choose because if I choose to not go to family events or to their house even if I let him take Claire he acts like it will basically be forfeiting my marriage or something. So is it even worth chancing or the fight? I told him next time she says she wants a divorce I don't give a damn she is getting deleted off of everything and I will inform them of my decision. I am tired of it.
I wanted to go back to Grand Forks this weekend. I dropped Claire off on Thursday afternoon to his mom. We had his formal ALS graduation that night and children under 12 were not allowed so she had to have somewhere to go. We were coming to Bemidji the following day to pick her up and staying at least Friday night, there really would be no point in turning around and going straight home. But I wanted to go home on Saturday morning. There was a softball game and BBQ with the families he works with and a girl I have been talking to online and her husband that Josh works with were going. I wanted to make friends, meet people so that maybe I could have a life when he wasn't around. Josh of course though requested to come here, said why don't we just stay the weekend at mom's since I have it off. We will do something while she watches Claire on Friday night and stay til Sunday for the carnival and fireworks. Did we do any of this . . . . no. And I am more then livid.
We didn't go out Friday night. His dad called and wanted us to come over and he told him no we were staying in and putting Claire to bed so of course then we couldn't go out because couldn't lie to his dad or just tell him we had plans. Saturday was a cookout here at his moms which was no big deal. Some of her family came over to eat and then left after a few hours. That morning we went over to his brothers because it apparently was required so we could see his new house and his dad and Dee Dee would be there as well. Seeing them on Sunday at the cook out would not be nearly enough I assure you. So today came around and we went to town, but no carnival because it looked like rain, no parade because he wanted pizza instead, and sure enough he fucking cut out the fireworks as well because he didn't want to be in town at 10:30 when the fireworks would go off because it don't get dark til nearly then. I didn't get last 4th because he was deployed. Claire didn't get Easter because he thought it was dumb since she was a newborn. I put up with his shit, going to see his family and hating every minute of it because she was there and we did NOTHING that we came here for. I don't give a damn at the moment if this is petty because I am mad. And he doesn't seem to care at all. I want to cry, I want to kick, I want to scream, whatever it takes because we always have to pacify his family but nothing I want matters. I could have been at home making friends, having a real life, but no, instead I got to be here doing nothing at all that matters to me. Fan freaking tastic.
Hope everyone else had a Happy and Wonderful 4th of July.
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