And that had better be mother fucking true!! i'm listening to Katt Williams Pimp Cronicles Part 2. I can't help but laugh my ass off, this kind of humor keeps me going on a bad fucking day. So today wasn't that bad. I thought it was going to be. I wanted to fly through the phone and smack the shit out of Ken. I need to do what my dad said and just let shit go, see if he keeps up with Austin. If not that's his problem but I care too much to do that to Austin. So instead we went out to Mike's and it was def drama in the beginning but we ironed it out and finally things were ok. Then Austin threw this crazy ass tantrum forever and I was like wtf? It was so bad Mike had to help. Something it weird there. Austin listens to him. I hate that. It gets easier being around him but his mama doesn't make it easy for me to forget we aren't together. I was sitting in the living room with Austin watching cartoons and she came in there to sit with me. She told me I was too good to him and asked why I was so sweet to him. I had to think about it because that can go either way. Cuz if I tell her what I'm thinking she might bug him about it but I couldn't think up a lie. So I just told her, I love him even if he doesn't love me and I'd rather be his best friend then nothing at all. And she just said she doesn't understand him. I just smiled cause I don't understand his ass either. But you know sometimes people just don't feel the same and I've grown to accept that. I've also grown to accept its going to be hard for me to have sex with anyone else for a while. Cause all I have to do is be in the same room as him and my entire body is on alert. So I don't really get close enough to touch him. I don't need to be that close, I just have to feel him in the same room. Yes that poses problems, considering I'm the kind of person who usually goes after a guy if I want it that bad. He doesn't want me so I can't have him, shut up I know that usually doesn't stop me but it does this time. We make pretty good friends, though sometimes I wonder if he really wants to be friends at all or if he's doing it just cause he feels bad. Now I know he doesn't usually do that, but after everything, he might try to spare me any more pain. But you know what, I'm just going with it for right now. So I came back home, about 5pm, Austin and I spent the night battling over who is the parent here and who is the child. Then he threw up, so I put him in the bathtub, cleaned the mess up in the living room and ran to do some laundry. Ok Now I'm listening to Lewis Black again cause it was after Katt Williams. Word has gotten out that I'm single again and guys I used to mess with are starting to call again. I've turned down a lot of them, made up excuses, told one tonight that I'm still hung up on Mike and he offered to let me call him Mike during sex. I thought that was weird. Oh so we talked about the dream from last night, it was funny cuz he was like all those words were Ken's but that in the dream he was saying them. It was weird. Damn I miss him. |
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