If they think we're that stupid the label might as well

05/13/2009

This is a bitchy rant. You don't like it? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!



I'm listening to Lewis Black: Black on Broadway. I needed the attitude to make me laugh. I'm literally almost falling over laughing, I wish I could have that kind of attitude. I've sat down and I've been thinking, that if anything everyone around me should do the exact opposite as me, and they shall live very happy lives. I made a very stupid mistake today. I spent all last night crying my eyes out over on guy, feeling as if I'm just not good enough for him. I spend today wishing someone could make me feel like there isn't anything wrong with me. Then the one person who consoles me is my ex husband, and I can't resist the attention. Do you want to know what happened? He used me. Smooth talked his way right into my mouth, got a blow job, something he never could resist and walked away leaving me here feeling like a whore. And while I'm sitting here, I wonder why I feel like I'm never good enough. I wonder why there are 40 million women out there just like me staring at the mirror wondering what they need to change to make someone love them. I've heard so many ppl tell me I need to grow out my hair, change my hair color, get contacts, ditch the contacts and get glasses, wax my eye brows, shave my pussy, don't shave it just trim it, don't trim it wax it, get my nipples pierced, have the lapband surgery done that'll change my entire life and make me unable to eat like normal ever again, liposuction, workout, do yoga, walk a mile a day, drink 8 glasses of water a day, make that bottled water, wait thats too much water, oh don't drink bottled water it just collects in some way out plastic wasteland in the middle of the ocean, checkout stands at walmart are littered with magazines with girls so skinny anorexia must be in again, I've been told to start secretly snorting coke if I want to be skinny and then when I get to a certain wait its easy to stop (ppl are morons). Laser surgery, breast inplants, lipo, nose jobs, facial reconstruction, remove the spiderveins and the stretch marks. OMFG!!!! Why haven't I hung myself from the closest hospital elevator????? I'm fat, have short spikey hair, glasses, I have stretch marks, don't always have time to make sure my pussy and legs are perfectly fucking shaved, my ass isn't constantly lubricated for the anal reaming society keeps trying to give me. Mike said he didn't care, thought my hair cut was cute, didn't say anything about me being fat and even went out of his way to make it obvious he didn't care. But you know what's wrong with guys like him?? They don't appreciate what they have. He couldn't force feelings for me but that didn't stop him from letting me do everything I could to make him feel special. So yes right now as I sit here I do hope he feels 6 layers lower then dirt. I hope every guy who has ever treated me wrong feels like that. I hope every guy who took one look at me and laughed eventually ends up with a girl who is so beautiful she's fucking all his friends behind his back. That she calls him a loser and makes him her bitch, its no less then he deserves. And right about now I can't say I'm surprised that Ken took advantage of my weakness, one he knows every well...but karma will bite him in the ass. I'm very angry with myself, but at least we didn't have sex and at least I haven't buried myself under a rock to cry everything away. I hate this society, when will people realize that not being normal is the majority, being skinny enough that I can count your ribs through your shirt isn't sexy and its not healthy. I like being fat. You want to know why? I'm not worried during sex he'll break me, he'll be able to be rougher and not worry about me stabbing him with an elbow. In my fat ass there is more love, caring, consideration, sympathy and concern then in most skinny chicks who laugh at girls like me. Oh wait, don't piss me off...I might fucking sit on you.