The calm in the storm has passed...raging winds and rain have followed

09/03/2010

I am in the full belief that my boss is stupid. I have been so sick, throwing up, coughing, sneezing and just straight up miserable. I've been working through it all. Literally throwing up at work and he won't let me take any time off because of the huge labor day flea market in town. Since I've been sick 2 other girls at work have gotten the bug. He says if I miss a day he's writing me up and he can fire me. In VA he can pretty much fire me for no reason which I think is bullshit. He's usually an awesome boss but his boss is an asshole. I work for a fast food place as a crew leader which is just an underpaid manager. I run the store some days, I open and close by myself. I just don't get paid as much and I don't get bonuses like the rest of the managers. In reality crew leaders aren't supposed to do the things I do but my boss and his boss say I have the potential so they are letting me do it. I'm not dumb...they just know its cheaper for me to work then it is to work the other managers extra hours. Bullshit I know. This is our busiest weekend of the year, we've been working on schedules, training extra people, trying to get our normal employees ready since a lot of them haven't been here more then 6 months and have no idea just how busy its going to be. Usually the crowd falls in the door at 5am when we open and we are still swamped until 11pm at closing. Its crazy!! So of course me being sick beyond all reason is not good enough for me not to work this weekend. I was running to throw up on and off yesterday and he still made me help unload truck and put most of it up. By the time we were done I was wheezing so bad I thought my chest was going to cave in. But what his boss says goes. My boss is the general manager of the store but his boss is the district manager in charge of like 10 stores in our region. I think its ridiculous to make my co-workers sick and me sicker just because its flea market weekend. I told him I would have to have some time off next week after this weekend and I'm hoping half the crew calls out on him on my days off.

Changing subjects. I grew up in NY. Not NY city. Not Long Island. But in upstate NY in a small town called Woodbourne. My grade in school had 89 kids in it. I moved a lot when I hit 17 and I've been in Virginia for 5 years. The town I live in here in VA is small, a little bigger then where I grew up but still small. Why is it so hard for the people down here to understand I didn't grow up in the city. Why do people think New York state is just one big city????? One of the girls I work with, I swear she's dumber then a rock. And that's insulting rocks everywhere. Her family is very racist at times, which coming from this small southern town isn't surprising, it kinda disgusted me in this day and age but it doesn't surprise me. Anyway she said something rather rude about a customer and I jumped her for it, racism isn't acceptable in customer service, she said that was how she was raised. I said I grew up different, and one of the other girls said its cause I'm a yankee (grrr stupid people annoy me). Anyway I said yea I was from New York but it didn't affect anything. And this stupid girl was like which part of NY and I was like upstate. She was like does that mean in Manhattan or Brooklyn? I just stared at her. I was like no I grew up in a small town almost 2.5 hours away from the city. And would you believe she said, you mean they have small towns in NY? I'm starting to wonder what they teach in schools today....makeup and dating maybe? she excels in those things.

On a different note. We just moved in here in July. I really do like this place. Cliff got kicked out cause he caused drama with the land lady. I was staying, I didn't want to move. My bills are tight as it is and by the time I get gas and buy food I'm usually just squeaking by. We were making it though, Austin's check and my full time job and it was all good. Well they cut Austin's check more then 200 dollars. Claiming that me making barely 1000 a month and with our rent being 500 that they had to take some of the money he gets away. Money that helps pay to take care of him, its hard because on top of normal bills even with him having insurance I'm still constantly having to pay parts of doctor bills. And the way it works medicaid won't pay for everything so therapy sessions are expensive. I guess essentially its all caving in on me. I'm barely floating as it is on one income and his SSI check and trust me we don't really have any extras.

I'm trying to work full time, go to college full time, take care of him by myself 98% of the time. He's at his dad's for the weekend, which means I get him back Sunday after I've worked all weekend. I don't get much time to myself and when I do its so I can do school work. When Cliff was here he spent a lot of time with Austin so it wasn't so bad. To top it all off I can feel myself starting to melt inside, I was doing so well off my medication as long as I'm able to keep my life relatively sane and stable. But right now where its chaotic beyond all reason I feel like I'm falling apart. Nothing anyone says helps. I just feel like I want to lay down and not get up ever again. Wouldn't life be easier if I just took my meds you ask...nope because I'm constantly sick. If I take just one medication its not enough, it makes me suicidal so I have to mix it with a second one which makes me not suicidal but tends to make me OCD and I start to physically pick at myself sometimes scratching til I'm bloody at something that isn't even there. So they throw in a 3rd. The combination makes me sick to my stomach and light headed to the point of not being able to function. I've tried so many different combinations and none of them seem to work right. So when I went off them, I started taking vitamins to boost my immune system and just trying to avoid stress and keeping myself relatively normal. So right now I'm balling my eyes out trying to figure out what I'm going to do next.