My abortion appointment is on the 30th (next Thursday). I came to the decision completely on my own though he did weigh majorly on the decision. I can not handle the constant nausea Ive experienced 2 months, the hardly ever being able to keep anything down, the horrible sleep and fatigue, and the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. We don't live together, which I'm fine with but if something happens in the middle of the night and I cant get a hold of him? (This has happened recently).Plus frankly he is just not ready for this. I know for a fact that this would ruin our relationship. I refuse to force him to grow up, its just not fair.... So I had the appointment made yesterday and its going to cost near $600 or lower.
This not at all how I imagined my boyfriends and my Christmas to go. When you picture your first Christmas with someone you never picture scheduling abortions. Due to the cost of said abortion we will not exchange gifts. I'm not upset or disappointed by this, it's just a side-effect of this mess. I keep counting the days till the appointment. "9 days till I can stop lieing to 90% of the people I know", I still have to tell my mother my decision. I know she wont be pleased but she wont completely be pissed either. I'm going to make another call to the Woman's Health Clinic to set up my post-abortion counseling here in a few. Got to cover all my bases. It's gotten to a point I've emotionally detached myself from the situation. I sobbed uncontrollably the night I came to this conclusion, but after that...Nothing. My fears right now are the pain, the risk of infection and sterility, and how I'm going to handle this mentally afterword. I am (or was?) against random abortion. I felt that you should only have an abortion if there were extreme risks to your health , or were raped. Yet here I am scheduling mine. You always wonder what gets someone to this point? Well I'm at that point and I still don't know how I came to this. |
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