Today, well yesterday, was quite good. My exams went quite well and other than not wanting to talk to either of my best friends I've been quite happy, I think. No, I've been okay - I've been thinking too much to be happy.
Thinking about what is just depressing. I have an inferiority complex, well actual I have several, and in layman's terms, I'm jealous. I'm jealous that my sister's more popular than me, that my friends are smarter, cuter, funnier, girlier than me, that people have REAL lives that involve going places, that people have real boyfriends that are together in public, have rooms to themselves, can express themselves... I'm jealous of a lot of things, this makes me angry quite a lot of the time.
A while back I was doing research into ways of managing anger, it said running. About a week ago I bought running shoes - well no, I bought trainers, but same difference, right? - and I'm going to start because it's not right how angry I am...
In other news, I've not heard from Joshua in two months now and part of me is starting to give up on him, like I probably should've when my boyfriend asked me out and I said yes. But it's been over a year and I've loved him for so long now, I was always so sure of that, through everything in the past 18 months I've been so sure that I loved him, if nothing else... Now I don't have that I'm not sure what i've got that's always gonna be there.
I'm confused about where I'm meant to go from here, I don't know which way is forwards or how to tell if I'm going in the right direction > |
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