I'm thinking of moving out of this state. I've been laid off for almost a year. I feel more stable with my medications than I have in a few years. Since reducing my dosage of antidepressants, I've been having headaches less frequently and with less severity. I think the SSRIs really are exacerbating my headaches. So by self-medicating against my psychiatrist's instructions, I've been able to reduce my anxiety and depression while making my pain more manageable. I'm on 2mg of alprazolam a day. Sometimes I take more, but it's a very effective drug. I use a lot more OTC pills when I'm unemployed, and I sleep too much. I have to consider the consequences of going through antihistamines so quickly.
I've moved out of my parents' house before. The first time was for college. I graduated, so I guess you could say it was a success, but I usually stayed at my parents' house on weekends. Then after graduation, I got a new job and moved far away. I was anxious, depressed and homesick. My job at the time was miserable and not worth the sacrifices. At the time, I had family and friends whom I felt I was betraying. Most of my friends turned out not to be worth missing, so I shouldn't have felt guilty about that. Most of the friends I've made since the four years since graduation have either died or moved away. The responsibilities of taking care of my loved ones, who have gone to heaven, have been fulfilled. I'll only live someplace else if the job is really worth it. I have enough education and experience to deserve something better than minimum wage with no benefits. I've failed at this before, but that doesn't mean I will fail every time. I will keep faith that God will lead me to my next vocation. |
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