Time: 11:54pm
State of Being: in a good mood
current desire: more days off lol
where am I?: in the bedroom lying in bed
what's that noise?: the fans blowing. Not sure if Russ is asleep yet. I don't hear him snore yet. lol
So having these last few days off was amazing. I worked today in the pharmbox from 3-9. For being wal-mart on Black Friday, it was pretty slow. Even though we did fill a lot of scripts. I finally finished three months of outdates. lol. The last time anyone had done them was August. And that anyone would be me. I usually end up sending back the outdates at the end of the month, but because I had been teaching since August and switched to part-time, I haven't had time to do them.. so naturally they didn't get done... for three months. (at the end of each month, we pull drugs off the shelf that are going to expire in four months and send them to a company called Genco through UPS) Because it was slow today, I finally had a chance and filled up one HUGE box to send back. It felt like a relief.
But anyway, having these last couple days off was great. I really feel human again. And I'm coming on to Bloop to savor that feeling. lol. I can just picture next week when I'm overcome with stressed again. At least I can come here for a reminder that I'm human. So, dear future mel-you are human. it's possible to feel human. you will feel human again eventually. Until then, push forward. you can do it!
Next week, I'm teaching of course all week monday through friday. Then working the pharmacy all week 4:30-9 monday through friday. I guess it's not so bad, because i have this full weekend off, but then I start my usual Sunday through Friday schedule after that. Then who know when I get another two days off in a row again.
I told Ram (pharmacist) today about the possible new job at the other school. And that if I get it, I would have to quit the pharmacy. He didn't blame me, but he wasn't too happy about it either. At least I gave him a heads up instead of "hey Ram, guess what. It's been nice knowing you these last five years. I'm out in two weeks. peace!"
I'm feeling goofy right now.
I'm trying to work on my novel, but my brain isn't working fast enough. It's like I really want to know what happens next, then I realize that I'm the one in control. I need to start posting on KayaMae more. My story diary. But it's hard, because I skip from the beginning, to the middle, to the end, to somewhere else in the middle. There's no true consistency. Plus I'm always going back and editing. Then changing details. So what's up there now from my story is not the same as what I have written. lol
I seriously need to get that new job. I need to quit the pharmacy. I need to stop feeling stressed.
Oh and I'm day two of no THC. I broke down and smoked the other night when I was hormonal and flipped out over laundry.
If I'm serious about getting that new job, I have to be serious about putting weed on a pause. 30 day detox time!
If you didn't know already, I am a pothead. I am perfectly okay with this. It eases my stress, let's me sleep at night, and helps with with my creativity. I smoke pretty much every night. I wouldn't call myself addicted. You can't really get addicted to weed, though some disagree.
Russ doesn't smoke at all, and he never will. I've attempted to peer pressure him multiple times lol. It's just not his thing. He doesn't care that I do it. I mostly go into the other bedroom, or out in the living room when he's sleeping. I don't think I've ever smoked in front of him before. I've been smoking on and off for about ten years now. Sometimes I go years and months without it. Sometimes just days. My friend from high school, Stephanie, moved three doors down from me about three years ago, and she buys it from somebody at least once every few days. I bug her about once a month. Sometimes twice depending on how stressed I am. lol. I might drop $20 a month. I think she spends about twice that if not more every week. lol. So since she moved in, I'm back to my awesome habit again. Which is good. I always seem to find some kind of contact.
I remember back in GA when I worked for QuikTrip (a gas station), one of my managers was my contact. lol We used to go behind the dumpster where there were no cameras. I was 22 then lol. young and dumb. i love it.
It's actually a good thing I got this cold and developed this cough. It helps me deter.
Though i'm not looking forward to the long days and annoying insomnia. But if I do get this new job, it'll all be worth it.
I think that's another example of intolerance and ignorance. People associate so much negativity with marijuana, it's just so silly. There are NO reported deaths. ZERO. NONE. NADA. In fact, the medical assets outweigh any of the liabilities. It's a plant. A plant. lol! But people hear the word, weed, and it's like insta-taboo. Alcohol is far more dangerous. I'm so disappointed in FL for not passing the medical marijuana law. It only applies to people with serious medical issues who can use those assets. But no. ignorant intolerant people had to ruin for those that could actually benefit from it. They just believed it was bad, because it was a 'drug' without doing an further research. They think that all it is going to do is make it easier for lazy dumb potheads to get a fix.
Newsflash. Lazy dumb potheads are going to get their fix no matter if it's legal or not. This is about that poor Stage 4 cancer patient that can barely eat, and lives a life of pain and misery. But there's no care for them.
Newflash #2. Not all potheads are lazy and dumb. Potheads come in a variety of different people, just like... *gasp* actual people. I know pretty successful borderline geniuses that live a great fulfilling life that smoke as much weed as that jobless jerk living on his friend's couch. (real people I know)
sorry. tangent. I'm in a writing mood.
I need to direct all my energy into my novel.
I WILL finish a novel. I WILL!
Just let me quit the pharmbox first so I can dedicate more of my time to something i love. In order to do that, I need a stable full time salary job. .. I REALLY hope I get this job.
wow! I've been writing FOREVER!
I miss doing this. Just freewriting. Whatever pops into my head. Talking about so much yet nothing at all. There's no theme to this entry. lol Just random babble from a pseudo goofy insomniac. 
FOREVER and ever and ever ..and ever... (flashback to the Sandlot)
welcome to the inside of my brain. lol. it's pretty odd in there.
peace!
-mel-
12:43
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