Time: 1:28pm
State of Being: i mixture of giddy (because i have two days off in a row), crampy (due to being a girl), and coughy, and decicive over this new twist in the life story of mel
Song lyric in my head: I have Taylor Swift's song in my head on a jumpled up repeat
current desire: for this cough to go away
where am I?: in the bedroom on the bed
what's that noise?: Russ sleeping next to me
25. What's your favourite and/or least favourite day of the week and why?
Saturday is in the lead for my current favorite. Since August, it has been my ONLY full day off during the week. Between both jobs, I work Sunday through Friday. I have worked 6-7 day work weeks four about 3 months now. Probably why i got sick. My immune system is usually better. I'm not sure my least favorite. Possibly Monday. Monday I usually deem my "boring" class days, because we start a new weekly lesson. I have to lecture, and we take lots of notes. Then the rest of the week is all about reviewing those notes in one form or another. Monday I have to be more alert than the rest of my school days lol.
Tomorrow though, I have a day off. woo-hoo! AND Thursday! My very first two days off in a row since school started. I'm so excited. It's like a vacation.
So anyway, my dad called me while was at work and left me a voice-mail. I called him when i got off at 9. He said that someone he knows works at one of the schools in our county and is looking for an ESE Teacher for Autistic kids. He told her about me and all my teaching and education history, and she wants me to apply. I do have to take classes though to get certified in teaching Autistic kids. Which is actually awesome. This is my second year with special needs kids, and while I love doing it, I'm honestly not professionally trained/schooled. I do what feels right. I would LOVE to get more education. The job is salary with the county, full time, with benefits. How could I say no?
It does mean I will have to quit both current jobs. Wal-Mart, I have little to no problem doing so. Yes, it will possible anger my bosses. Yes it will inconvenience them to scramble to find someone to replace me. But honestly, my mental health means way more to me. I've been putting that pharmacy first for so many years now. Now the school I teach at now would be harder to quit. Yes, I'm just part-time. And leaving for a full-time salary position with benefits is a pretty reasonable reason for leaving. I'm just going to miss the kids a lot. I love those kids. And I feel terrible leaving them halfway through the school year. (the job will most likely start in January when they get back from the winter break) That school has not had a teacher stay for over a year. I think one teacher stayed a year and a half, but that's it. I really did picture myself being there for years and seeing so many of these kids graduate. Leaving them would be heart-breaking.
Plus venturing into the unknown always terrifies me.
But now I have to tweek up my resume and cover letter to apply for it. There's absolutely no logical reason not to apply. It's just my emotions getting the better of me. I hate quitting jobs. I truly do. But If I stay where I am at now, I will not get paid over the summer and still have to stay at the pharmacy. Plus, there's no guarantee i'll even get invited back next year, because of the constant revolving doors of teachers.
But I will miss the kids.
Anywho, so now I have to give up weed for a month to pass a possible drug test. It's not necessarily a bad thing. However my stress level is always up, and falling asleep at night is really hard. This is one reason why I believe in legalization. I've always had issues with sleep since I can remember. Until I started smoking. Yes I can take melatonin or valerian root. Even St. Johns Wort helps out once in a while, but all of those have no guarantee to work. I don't like chemically manufactured pills. (go figure, working in a pharmacy lol) If I really need to, I might take half a benedryl, but it will leave me really groggy in the morning. I would love to one day get a prescription for xanax, even though it's one of those chemically manufactured pills i dislike lol.. i'm a hypocrite anyway. I have no issues with advil.) Whenever I can get access to them, they make me feel almost normal. (In my entire lifetime, I think I've taken MAYBE 10-15 xanaxes) I always have way too many thoughts in my head. I'm always worried about something. And so many of those thoughts are on repeat. Xanax gets rid of those thoughts, and I wonder if that's what normal people feel like lol.
I feel like I'm sounding like some kind of junkie. And I hate that weed has such a negative connotation. But again, if I'm going to be honest about my life anywhere it's going to be in own diary. I am fully supportive of full legalization. And honestly not for selfish purposes. There are terminally ill patients who can benefit from the side affects. Who need to eat. Who need to stop feeling nauseous. Weed has been linked to helping those with seizure or MS. Not to mention generalized anxiety and insomnia.
Anywho, i digress.
I can't figure out if I want to sleep or not. I'm off tomorrow!! woo-hoo! That means I can stay up as long as I want and sleep in as long as I want. I just need to do some laundry and possibly clean up the apt a bit. On Saturdays, I honestly feel like doing nothing. I'm so tired from the week that all that housework that I plan to do doesn't get done. So I think I'm actually going to make myself useful. Of course that's what I say to myself at night. In the morning, I'll be like "it's my day off. I don't want to do anything!"
I can feel the braindead-ness start to take over. I think I really am going to try to sleep.
peace!
-mel-
2:05am
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