Time: 7:58am
State of Being: kind of tired, but annoyingly awake
Song lyric in my head:
current desire: i really want to teach. I miss teaching. If I can't get a teaching job, then i'd settle for a baby. lol one or the other (preferably both, but I don't want to be greedy lol)
where am I?: in the living room on the couch
what's that noise?: nothing really. just the AC
Who was your best/closest friend growing up? Are you still friends with them today?
hrmmm... I didn't really have close friends at school. I went to a prestigious private school where my dad taught. I had a scholarship, and the rest of the kids' parents paid good money. So as I grew up, I realized what a difference money made to people. I remember being in 5th grade being made fun of, because I thought a dollar was a lot of money. Kids went on vacations to Europe all the time with their families. And I was always weird and quirky and never fit in. (I'm okay with that now. lol) But I had friends in my neighborhood. My friend Steven lived right next door to me. We played outside every day. I moved into that neighborhood the summer before fourth grade, and he moved out when I think I was in 9th grade. He was awesome. I was even the flower girl at his mom's wedding when I was 11. He was the ring bearer. I missed him very very much. When social media and myspace became HUGE when I was in college, I went searching for him. His last name was very generic, and there were thousands of people with his name out there. I spent years trying to find him. Any profile I came across tht might have been him, I sent a message that said "I know this might sound weird, but were you my neighbor in Jupiter, FL?" lol. Then there was one day. I came across a profile that I KNEW was him in an instant. It looked exactly like him. Just older. Of course I messaged him right away. Then I got nervous. That whole.. well I'm older now, did I think our friendship was more than what it was. We were kids. He messaged me back like right away saying he was driving and had to stop the car, because he was freaking out that I messaged him. lol! yay!! That was over 10 years ago. He lived many states away in Connecticut. But we were finally reunited about 3 years ago, when he made a random road trip with his boyfriend down to florida. We still keep in touch via facebook, but he's having some pretty hard life issues right now, I don't get to talk to him as much as I want.
My other best friend, Lauren, lived in my neighborhood too. I became friends with her around 8th grade-ish. Sometime right around ot before the time Steven moved. Steven was three years younger than me, and it was nice to be friends with another teenage girl. She was awesome. A little on the wild side. Brought me way out of my little sheltered cocoon. She ended up moving too right before I switched schools in 10th grade to a public school. It sucked, because we would have ended up going to school together. We ended up finding each other on myspace too years later. I ended up telling her she was like my best friend. She was like "omg you were my best friend too!" lol! We still keep in touch on facebook. She's married and has three kids now. 
So yesterday we went to Russ' brother, Rob's house for dinner. It's always annoyingly awkward with them. I mean I love them, because they are family. But I dunno, I'm not a huge fan of his brother. I think I resent them for kicking Russ' mom out of their lives for the DUMBEST reasons. They haven't talked to Lynne in years. Russ says that they've done that many times. They go years without talking to her. What's worse is they turn their kids against her too. So Lynne hasn't spoken to her son nor her grandkids in years. Lauren's (Rob's daughter) baby is just turning 8 months old. Lynne has a great grandchild she's never even met. So any time we hang out with them, I just don't feel comfortable. Maybe it's the fear of getting close to them, because they kick people out of their lives. Russ said they do that with everyone. Josie (Rob's wife) hasn't talked to her family in years also. There's always something wrong with other people. Not them. I get along with Lauren pretty well. Her baby is so cute. One day I would love to hang out with her outside of family time. I just always find myself closed off around that family, and I hate that.
Rob is 13 years older than Russ. (I think 13) They've also always resented Russ for getting all the attention. Josie even told me that herself, not in a way of admission, but actually complained to me about it. Rob is Lynne's son from another marriage. Lynne married Russ' dad, and Russ' dad became a father figure for Rob. Russ dad was 20 some odd years older than Lynne, and her pregnancy with Russ was a huge surprise. (Russ' dad ended up passing away when Russ was a teenager). So now here's this baby in the house, and Rob feels like he's completely ignored.
So I just feel awkward hanging out with them. I don't want to be. I try not to be. Rob made some awesome margarita's yesterday which took my edge off. lol. I mean I'm not mean or anything when I'm there. We still talk and joke and stuff. I just always get strange vibes from them. I hate it, because I want to be close to them. I'm an only child, and they are now my brother and sister in law. I just don' think I can trust them. Anyone who stops talking to their own mother, because stupid reasons, is ridiculous. Lynne is such a kind soul. A little on the loopy side. I don't like to use the term, dumb, but Russ does lol. He's always like "She's my mom. I love her so much. She's just not bright. And she knows that." When she married Ray, Rob and Josie hated him. (And I really don't like him either. He's an asshole. But that's another story) They stopped talking to her, because of him. (there are other dumb reasons too.) Which sucks, because Lynne needs them around. She's just with Ray, because she needs company. She's scared to be alone. And he's all up with other women which she lets happen as long as he comes home to her. ugh! I didn't mean to go on that rant. There's a whole lot more to that story. The last I heard, they were getting another divorce any way. (yes, another. they already got divorced and remarried one before) But Rob and Josie only stopped talking to her, because they thought she was with him out of spite for them.. or something stupid like that. They see it as a personal attack on them, when in actuality, Lynne is just self sabotaging herself. She needs family support. I remember we all had an intervention with her. Back when Rob and Josie were still talking to her. About Ray. We sat her down and aired our concerns about him. She still decided to stay with him. Not too long after, they cut her out of their life. Lynne's a grown woman.
She and I have talked too about Ray. I've even ended up crying to her about him telling her how worried I was about her. I've been perfectly honest with her about him. Not only is he a cheater, he's a complete asshole. She knows and understands. But in the end, she makes her own decisions. Family should not turn there back on something like that. We've all had loved ones that make stupid relationship mistakes. lol (This crappy relationship mistake just might end up leaving Lynne homeless. We might end up taking her in or moving down to Boca with her in the trailer. fun times. but that's another story.)
anywho, I've babbled on enough.
peace!
-mel-
8:43am
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