stupid adult life decisions

12/16/2014

Time: 12:49

State of Being: conflicted

Song lyric in my head: It's not like you killed someone..
current desire: to be able to make a decision easily. stupid life adult choices. I didn't sign up for this.

where am I?: in the bedroom on the bed

what's that noise?: Russ snoring next to me




So I talked to the lady from that school today on the phone. My dad's friend who runs the ESE department. She said that she thought I already had my ESE certification, and the district won't let her hire anyone without a certification. If I take the test, pass, and get my certification, then basically the job is mine.

I went to research the test, and there's just SO much to learn. Yes. I shouldn't be surprised, and I'm not disagreeing with the fact that teachers need to be certified in a field to teach it.

I haven't taken my Drama certification test yet, and it's been about five years since I first applied for my real certification in Drama. All I need is to take that test, another state test, and a professional development test. Each test is about $200 a pop. Including the ESE test.

How and when am I going to have time to study for a test I'm not even trained in? There are so many laws to memorize. I can possibly do the behavior types and all the psychology related questions. But it's the laws and school policies that will kill me. I was under the impression (because my dad told me), that I would be able to take night classes and possible take the test after that. But I guess that's not true.

So I'm in a way, kind of heart broken. I really wanted that job. And I can still possibly get it, but I honestly don't think I'm going to do well on that test.

So maybe I should continue teaching and working the pharmacy for a while.. *sigh* .. and then focus my attention on my drama certificate. Because theatre is my passion. It's my degree, and the main reason I wanted to be a teacher anyway. I absolutely love teaching autistic children and other children with learning disabilities, but it's a challenge. This is hard to say, but I don't think I really want that career path if it's going to take away my focus on eventually teaching drama.

ugh. I just don't know. I need to really think about it more. I need to talk to Russ about it. Maybe my dad. I just don't know what to do. I'm so torn..

Anywho, today was the last day of school for the semester. They have exams this week. Mine are on Thursday. So I'm off school for the next two days. I work the pharmbox tomorrow at 4:30, so I can SLEEP IN! woo-hoo! then I'm actually off the whole day (no pharmbox duty) on Wednesday. woo-hoo!

I forgot to mention Sunday after work, I got to see my Jilly! And the kiddoes!! Jillian is one of my bestest friends. She lives about four hours away with her fiance and two kiddoes. Spencer is 4 and Logan is 2. Her old neighborhood where her dad lives has this AWESOME Christmas celebration each year. It's like Halloween but Christmas-style. People set up tables in front of their houses with snacks and drinks and stuff. And we just walk around the neighborhood, looking at lights, and eating people's food. And there are crowds of people everywhere. It's like a massive party. lol! Jilly's dad dresses up as Santa so when we got there, he had a HUGE line of kids. lol It was nice and cold outside. (well cold for Florida. 60 degrees. lol) So the walk around the neighborhood was pretty fun. I love the kiddoes. I miss them so much!

..I really don't know what to do about this test. I mean, should I suck it up and study for the exam so I can get a full-time job with salary and benefits? Possibly studying and failing. Did I mention I have to take this thing in a matter of weeks? Yeh super cram time on a subject I know little to nothing about. For a test that costs $200. If I fail, I have to take it again and dish out more money.

Or should I stick with the school I'm at now still part-time. Still part-time at the pharmacy. Working my butt off. more than regular full time hours with no benefits. Only one day off a week. Not to mention, over the summer, I'll just have that one job, so money will be an issue.

stupid adult life decisions. I didn't sign up for this.

peace!
-mel-
1:11am