Time: 8:13pm
State of Being: chill
Song lyric in my head: here comes peter cotton tail
current desire: my writing rut GONE
where am I?: at the apt on the couch
what's that noise?: train passing by
well.. hello Bloop world. Once again, I gravely beg for your forgiveness for my absence. I'm glad most of you are on facebook. I seem to live on there now. It has everyone from past coworkers, past roommates, past school friends from elementary to college, to the classes I'm taking now. It has random online friends I've known for 10 years. It has family, close friends. I know it's trendy, but I really do love facebook. I still have my myspace, but I heard someone one time compare it to the abandoned amusement park of the internet. lol.
so life of mel.
I'm still living with Russ. Love of my life forever and always.
I'm taking classes to get my teacher's certification so I can eventually teach middle school drama.
I work at the Wal-Mart deli, trying to get back to working at the Pharmacy.
I also teach after school elementary school kids random subjects like science and around the world (picking one country a month) and drama.
my friend Meghan who was with that jailbird, dumped him and is with another guy. They are getting married in August. As the Maid of Honor, I have my hands full of wedding fun.
Yes I do believe she is getting married way too early. They got engaged on their 6 month anniversary and will be married on their one year anniversary. I do like him though. I talked with Pete asking him not to hurt her, and he said I don't have to worry. So I'm going to sit back, watch and support and not intervene. If it turns out to be a mistake, then it is. If it's meant to be, then yay.
I haven't been writing any fiction lately. I really need to start again. Dang rut. I went to get a tarot card reading, and she said out of the blue that I have potential to gain a lot of wealth. And then randomly she looks up and asks me if I write. I told her I was in a rut and she said that there's something with the energy of the world that is in a rut lately. She gave me good advice on how to begin again, channeling past writers. She said that I will be a published writer in the future. She said my first novel won't do well, but my second one will get the ball rolling. So cool.
She also said that teaching is what I'm meant to be doing with my life. And I have a creative different way to speak to kids and that I am down to earth with them. She said I'm going to be a very influential teacher.
It feels good that I am on the right path in life.
I am very happy with my life right now. It feels good to say that. I'm glad I kept a diary when I was a teenager because I can look back on my life and see how far I've come. I wish bloop didn't crash because even though for the past few years, i've been a horrible Blooper, I still had years of my life invested in the site. (starting the 2nd year of college) But that's okay. Everything happens for a reason. And one day I will find a reason why.
It was a weird time in my life. College. I think I truly transformed into myself. Met wonderful life-long friends. I had my parties, my drunk nights. My crazy random sex with different guys. Okay that last part was half truth. That happened during my personal Bloop back-out period. Post-Trey Pre-Russ. That was my 'oh crap i really don't know myself wait yes I do.' phase. that was fun.
oh the Trey era. I blame him for my rut. and my lack of Bloop time. I don't want to get into that. He's in the past. His alcoholic pill addicted crack addicted self is in the past and forgotten.
In my psychic reading today, she told me that there is one person who took extreme advantage of me that I haven't forgiven completely yet. I believe she was talking about him. She also said that I'm not a victim. That before this lifetime, we both agreed that this would happen. That I had to learn something from him. And that makes wonderful sense. So everything happens for a reason.
She also told me to write him a letter with everything I wanted to say to him but haven't. Then bring it to the sink and burn it and let all those feelings burn away. She told me to keep doing that until it's all gone.
It's not like I'm not over Trey. I am. I am completely happy with Russ. He is the most wonderful person in the world. We are one of those annoying perfect couples who are always happy and never fight. Seriously no lie. The closest things to fights are my PMSy snappy moments which doesn't even phase him. He never snaps back. I have the relationship that my mom and step-dad have and it's wonderful. They are one of those annoying perfect couples too. The ones people say never exist. *waves arms* hello. here we are. no one really believes us until they meet us.
anywho. yes. over Trey. I was young and dumb and all that crazy naive shenanigans. I think I do still have resentment. I think a lot is toward myself for not being able to save him. To fix him. Because I have one of those fix-it personalities. I have to make people happy. I feel like a failure when I can't. But a lot of it is because he pissed me off everyday. He was always drunk throwing up everywhere, peeing on my blankets and wall. (yes I know ew) So maybe I need to write all this down and burn it. It can't hurt. I'm a very happy person and if this can add more happiness, I'll do it.
wow. i have written a lot. this is good. I miss this. I should do this more often. But alas such is the speech I've been giving myself and y'all for a while. So this time, I am not going to make any promises of coming back. It's not fair to you or me. But believe me when I say that I do miss you all. I miss the close friendships we had. And I thank you all for adding that awesomness to my life. Because every single one of you is talented, special, and just all around wonderful with amazing souls. Always believe in yourself.
peace!
-mel-
I love you all.
Never forget that.
8:46pm
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