.x. Autoimmune Disease

I'm wearing the fuck down.  I'm angry.  I'm emotional.  I'm tired.  Oh did I mention I'm fucking angry and tired!??!?!  My knees hurt constantly and my hips hurts quite a bit too. I gain weight I lose weight.  I'm okay and then I'm not.  It's like it hits me like a fucking truck and is driving me god damn INSANE.  Not only that but Charity got covid, she's fine of course.  Her quarantine date was up on August 30th, but my 2 boys got stuck in quarantine til Sept. 13th.  Something about the exposure date.  So with them home fighting all the time....and having no break....I'm losing my shit.  David started working I guess so he could get a place of his own, which is good if that's what he's really doing.  But shit if he's not working, I'd like him to get Waylon for a weekend....cause I just need a break.  I need a god damn break.  From life.  If I had the money and someone to watch my kids I'd just take off for a week.  I don't give a fuck where....just somewhere that's not here.  Honestly, I'd go see Jacob.  we've been talking almost a year now.  Sweetest man in the world.  Hands down.  Not sure why he keeps talking to me.  I'm fucking batshit crazy.  Have 4 kids by 3 dads.  Going through a divorce.  I have no money.  I have no car.  Im not sexy.  I've done nothing but gain weight....then lost 30 pounds, then had all my teeth pulled and I gained 10 pounds....and then lost 6.  So of course I cant fucking STAND THE FUCKING WAY I LOOK.  Too depressed to do shit about it.  I'm stuck in a house with my kids and my parents.  I literally have nothing to offer him.  I love him tho.  He's been there for me through so much shit.  And he's always the one to calm me down.  Seriously, I'd just go disappear with him for a while.