My aunt is so irritating. She is so negative all the time, always drinking, always talking about this or that disease that so and so has or telling me a long, boring story about some coworker I never met and probably never will, bringing up my mom every single day and usually in the context of something bad she did. She always talks while everyone else is watching TV and telling a story we've all most likely heard before. She makes me crazy. I don't say anything to her but I soooo want to.
We're watching Law & Order, SVU episode "Penetration" about an FBI agent that gets raped and is reluctant to cooperate with Elliot and Olivia. My aunt is like, "what the hell is wrong with this lady?" when she acts like a bitch to the SVU officers.
After she says it for the fourth time I say, "Well, maybe she was raped and she works a difficult, stressful job and maybe that hardens a person a little bit." She's finally shut up. I am still irritated. She has obviously never been raped... *sigh* and we're not going to go there.
***
In other news, I got an 88% on my exam today.
***
So in order to get my license as an RN they want a letter from my shrink saying I'm safe to practice because of my treatment for depression. It bugs the hell out of me. It's like they're punishing me for having ... a mental ... illness I guess. It doesn't feel that serious. I dunno ... maybe when you live with it for so long you lose perspective. I guess I can see why they care about my safety but my health history shouldn't be something they get to investigate.
I resent the hell out of the board of nursing getting into my private life. It's making me rethink the whole profession. I don't want to be under their scrutiny.
Oh, in addition to that everyone has to get NEW fingerprints for the board to run by the FBI even though I already had an FBI background check done at the start of this semester.
***
In my paranoid brain I believe that the government has a secret database with every last detail of my life on file. I know they do. I know they have all that they need so why don't they just use it instead of forcing me to repeat myself over and over. . . I swear that they know, I know that they know. They watch us all the time!!
Zombies are coming too. This is another part of my delusion . . . or is it? I can see it happening! We're all going to die.
***
Two more days of clinicals.
I can't wait for it to be over. I dropped my preceptorship. I am not even sure if I'm even going to be a nurse, ever. They want too much from me. There are all these rules about how I live my life and I don't want to be a part of their system.
You know what I want to do? Raise birds and grow pot. I want to have a HUGE greenhouse and grow other things too... pot, flowers, vegetables, maybe even berries/fruit. The birds would live in an aviary besides the greenhouse with part of their housing inside so that they could get out of the elements.
I'd have several breeding pairs and one that was just mine. We'd be together all the time and I'd do yoga in my greenhouse/aviary. I'd have a big open spot in the middle with a small fountain and stone flooring and the whole thing would be lit in the evenings with white christmas lights. I'd put speakers around the corners of the aviary and play whale songs, yoga music, soothing tunes...
...my house would be one I'd had built. It would be a single story with ramps rather than steps leading to the sunken living room. The floors would be all wood and there would be area rugs all over. Every wall would be lined with shelving built directly into the wall. There'd be an open kitchen/dining room with a bar separating the kitchen and dining area. The whole place would be designed so that I could grow old and die there.
Maybe someday... That's my dream. It's been my dream for years now.
Goodnight
~Tak~ |
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