It's time to grow up and to get on with it. It's time for me to dig deep inside my soul and find out for myself what is of true value and what is disposable and pointless. At this point in my life I feel that it is detrimental to my personal growth and well being to continue to associate myself with anyone who I have partied/raved with, have gotten high around or with, anyone who knowingly does or has done drugs, anyone who I have had sexual relations with (other than Jaim), *refers to myspace: Anyone whom I don't know personally (only via Myspace), and last but not least anyone who I used to be good friends with but for some reason we have gone our seperate ways & no longer talk to each other; chances are I've deleted you as well. I've done everything in my power to erase nearly everyone in my life (other than my family and 2 special friends) for the purpose of getting rid of unwanted, unappreciative, unproductive, & UNNEEDED baggage.
I've been struggling with so many things lately and to be honest, the ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVE STUCK BY MY SIDE THOUGH EVERYTHING have been my family (and my 2 special friends of course). I surround myself with people who don't do anything good for me, their energy is dark, negative, sad, angry, drugged up, fake, lost, and hopeless which being a cancerian, I tend to absourb quite a bit of negative energy which ends up effecting me and the people who I love most.
Don't get me wrong, TRY TO UNDERSTAND A FEW THINGS ABOUT ME. I feel so much for people, I have so much hope for everyone around me and I try to appreciate people for who they are regardless of the conditions but lately I have begun to notice how badly I have been lacking something more, something better, something real and of all SOMETHING FOR ME AND FOR MY FAMILY. I have sold myself short more than anyone should ever have to & I'm taking what is mine back... it's my life, not yours.
-Jen
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